Date: Sept. 02, 2004 Time: 9:04 PM My current mood is: Misery loves company, finally I have a rash on my freaking face. Stupid eczema. That's what I've decided it is, I haven't formally gotten diagnosed with it, but I get dry itchy rashes that get itchier when I scratch them, and hydrocortisone helps. Besides, it runs in my family so... Anyway, it's very annoying, and I think I get it minorly on my fingers too. Not sure why it's popped up on my face, normally it's my abdomin area. Today I checked my messeges and there was one of my aunt crying. *sigh*. It's cause her and my sister had a fight. Actually they've been in a fight for the past month, but they just talked and re-fought last night. So I called her, and her being her borderline self, started bawling her eyes out telling me about the fight, saying how SHE'S right, and my sister is wrong, nobody appreciates her though she loves us so much, and basiclly making things up...well, more like looking at things through a skewed perception, well, ok and making things up. She's like "Your sister called me delusional!!", the funny thing is that she DIDN'T call her that, which makes it all the more true of course. This is all still about the funeral thing by the way. My sister won't speak to my aunt till she apologizes, and my aunt is like "I didn't do anything! SHE should be the one apologizing to ME!", which of course is a load of crap. My aunt likes to go by the reasoning that if you are mad at her, then that means she is even more mad at you, and you should apologize. Which makes no sense, but that's how her mind works. So the whole phone conversation she's sobbing and ranting, and I'm sitting there saying "Yeah, mmm hmm, ok" feeling myself melt away. That feeling I always get when I talk to her, can't really describe it. Like all my thoughts, opinions, basiclly self is just melting away, turning invisible, like I'm becoming a ghost or shrinking. She's so overwhelming with her emotions, it's like she just takes over and I become nothing. And she keeps wanting me to agree with everything that she's saying, and wanting me to divulge information ("Did you talk to your father about what happened afterward?" "What did your sister say?", etc.), getting angry when I won't gossip it to her. I feel like any words out of my mouth will illicite anger or give her future ammo, so as usual I choose my words as wisely as possible, trying to reveal as little as I can and trying to be neutral. She ranted about her my sister is out of the will...yeah right my aunt is totally broke, what the hell is she going to leave us anyway lol. But anyway, talking to her is so emotionally draining. I talked to Julie afterwards and she said "I don't know how you can do it, how you can deal with her". I don't know either, but I'd feel way too bad to just ditch her, she's in so much pain. Unfortunatly she throws that pain onto everyone else. Then Jon came over and I got into a fight with him. So he left, and I decided to drink by myself. Yes, like the diary ring I made. My sister is having a hard time dealing with living away, again. Last time around she came home ALL the time, as much as she could. Now she's spent a little more then 24 hours there, and already has stated numerous times that she changed her mind and wants to come home. I feel bad :( She's afraid she'll have no friends. It's so weird that she talks so tough while she's here, acting like all she wants to do is leave, yet the second she's out, all she wants to do is come back! When I lived away at school I was fine with it. I came home once in awhile, and I wasn't really homesick or anything. But my sister just can't take it or something. The past few days I've been talking to her more then I have in...like ever. I think tomorrow I'm going to go over there and hang out with her, maybe she won't feel so bad. Maybe I'll eat dinner with her in the cafe or something, since she's so afraid of having no one to sit with. I like that that we've been talking so much though, even though I know she's miserable, it still feels nice to be close. I want to be like on the show Rosanne with her sister Jackie, lol ok I know that sounds lame, but I'd like that. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: