Date: Jul. 26, 2004 Time: 10:24 PM My current mood is: A wacky funeral and some thoughts on food Oh joy joy joy. Today I went to my grand-aunt's funeral, and of course nothing went smoothly. My sister and I picked up my aunt, and drove to the funeral home, and sat down in the chapel. My dad came(I didn't know he was coming), and sat down with us. Well, my aut got SO pissed she was like "Why are you here? Leave! I'm not sitting near you! Blah blah blah!", then telling my sister and I to tell him to get out. We were like look, we're not telling him to leave, you need to calm down. So she was so mad, and she started crying and said to me "Take me home!" but then when I said ok, she said "Nevermind, I'll walk!" bitterly, although she just continued to sit there(lol please, she's almost 400lbs, where the hell's she walkin to?). We kept telling her not to make a scene, at least she was throwing a fit quietly though. So then after the service was over, we went to the car and she started yelling at me and my sister, saying we should have taken her side and told my dad to leave/move to another seat, we're so ungrateful for everything she's done for us, she's never helping us, we should have stood up for her, etc. My sister got so mad that she got out of the car and walked home. Typical my sister leaves me to deal with the shit :P Considering it's my car, I couldn't just get out and walk. So we drove to the burial, and had to endure my aunt flipping out at me, talking about how her and my grandfather were the only ones who ever loved me, they were always for me and did so much, and if my sister and I only cared about her 10% as much as she cared about us, how my grandmother is an awful person.....BLAH! Oh yeah, and someone half fell into the grave. So yes, this was my day. On the upside I got to see some of my 2nd cousins that I barely see, they've gotten so big! One of them said he just turned 21, yet I look at him and he's still 12 years old to me lol. And the youngest is taller then me now, eek! I remember him being just a little kid. Today I thought about my 3 purging episodes I had yesterday, and it renewed my sense of wanting to eat healthy. I thought about how that really isn't going to help anything, I think it would be a hell of a lot better to eat healthy, and deal with things that way. Sometimes it seems like I have to relapse occasionally to remind myself that I want to be well. I mean I'm sure I don't *have* to, but you know what I mean. Coincidently we talked about eating disorders today in class. And I just made myself a very yummy dinner- peppered tomato slices, broiled tofu with wing sauce, and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Oh, and I was thinking that maybe it would help my eating better if I started cooking more again. I thought about that due to what we talked about in class, about how obese people tend to "work less for food"(work meaning in a scientific sense, like exerting energy). For example, obese people tended to eat a LOT more nuts with no shells on them, then nuts that they had to crack open. This is not due to laziness, but something in the brain that I don't feel like getting into. Anyway, so I thought to myself hey, maybe that could help me...maybe by putting more effort into what I eat, I will eat less. Because truth be told, I don't cook as much as I used to, and I tend to binge on readily available foods such as chips or whatever's just around. So maybe if I try cooking/baking more, I'll feel more appreciative about what I'm eating, and it will help me to differentiate whether I'm actually hungry enough to take the time to cook the food. Plus, I really need to put myself on a meal-plan of sorts. Not like actualy plan out what foods, but more like make sure I'm eating 3 meals a day and 2 small snacks, and that's it. Instead of just grazing through the day, skipping a meal and then eating more later on, I think having set meals makes me feel a lot better, and will help keep my body more regulated and not binge. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: