Date: Dec. 21, 2002 Time: 1:20 PM My current mood is: And he expects feelings? Yikes, I just spilled red salad dressing on my carpet. More stains to add to the collection lol, I seriously need to shampoo my carpet or whatever it is people do to get stains out. Today I'm doing alright with my eating, only had a bowl of dry cereal and an apple so far. No I'm not trying to starve myself, I'm just not hungry. At least I'm not pigging out like I did last night and past few days! I got really upset last night, really fucking bad. Was thinking of (not considering) killing myself, I swear I almost purged and cut myself. Not really sure how I avoided those things, I was talking to Jon that I talk to and it kind of helped. A weird conversation that was. We danced around the subject of our real feelings towards each other. It was so weird, cause we both know what the other is thinking, yet neither of us wants to say it. He's more bold then I am in that respect, I keep telling him not to say such things, it scares me. It honestly does scare me to hear someone say they care about me, to say they have feelings about me, and scares me even more to say to others that I care. I remember the second long term boyfriend I had, he told me he cared about me and I pulled a nutty and left the room to go ball my eyes out. What the fuck?? That's not normal. Anyway. So it's kind of dumb though, I mean he keeps pushing me to admit how I feel, and makes hints of how he feels, yet he lives in New York! That's 3-4 hours away. Plus he's got problems, as do I. I think we're both too similar, he's someone that we could have a firey passionate romance, yet I'm not sure if it would last long. *5 minutes later* I just gave all my old clothes to some poor Brazilian people :) I should do more then that though, I should donate/volunteer more, do more to help people. He said I don't compliment him. How can he expect me to get that involved? Something that will never be, yet he expects me to open myself to hurt feelings... My sister moved back home and said:"I brought back tons of food that you'll pig out on". Gee thanks. Hmmm this quiz is odd..I serve my illness? Dude I'm in recovery... Do You have an eating disorder? brought to you by Quizilla Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: