Date: Dec. 20, 2002 Time: 5:23 PM My current mood is: Entry #2 I like what "Perfectasswhipe" left for a comment on my last entry, you're totally right lol! Perhaps lately I've just had a lapse of sanity thinking I need a guy ;) Suddenly I'm all upset and stressed out. I just realized I'm going over my grandfather and aunt's house, which means I give my aunt her Chanukah present which is long overdo. I started thinking of how she'd react, she'll probably say it wasn't enough, she'll get mad at me. It's a $20 gift certificate to the mall...I know she's going to be dissappointed, that's what I got everyone in my family this year. But she's going to make comments, she's going to lecture me.... Actually I didn't get my grandfather a present yet, I was going to get him a gift cerfiticate to the grocery store (this is what he likes, I mean really what better for a Compulsive Overeater??), but my aunt said no I should get him a jogging outfit instead. So I said ok. I picked out some pants...I didn't realize how much jogging outfits were, and I wanted to spend the same for everyone. She was like "No you should spend more then that for him". I felt wicked guilty, and then started worrying about how I should have spent more on everyone, and now it's too late. So I just got him the pants, but he said they're too expensive and I should get cheaper ones. But I just know my aunt's going to guilt trip me about her present, she's going to tell me it's not enough...I feel like I should get her more now but don't want to go to the mall cause it will be hell. Why does she always have to guilt trip me that nothing I do is good enough?? Why can't she ever be happy with what I do? Also the other day when we were eating dinner at a restaurant, she started saying how she'd remind me when my grandfather's birthday is. I was like ok, cause I constantly forget dates. Then she's like "I'll also remind you when Father's Day is and Mother's Day is", which I hope will not be a repeat of Here and Here. Long story short: She believes I should give presents to my grandfather on Father's Day, and to her on Mother's Day. I have major MAJOR issues with this, especially for her on Mother's Day...my own mother passed away, now she expects me to wish her a Happy Mother's Day??? Ok I'm not even going to get into this now, just read those 2 links if you want to see me flipping out. Wow, I just read a couple entries from a couple years ago in my diary...so fucked up. All I talked about was food and calories. I mean yes I still talk about it to some degree, but I don't know I just sounded so different back then. I think I chilled out about being obsessed as much when I became bulimic, I guess cause I no longer had to worry about calories. I was talking to someone from TF the other day who said that's unusual, that most people don't lose weight from binging and purging. *shrug* I kind of miss that in a fucked up way, knowing that I was good at purging. Knowing that I could eat whatever I wanted and lose weight doing it. But I have to remember that was just one aspect of it, there's plenty I don't miss. I also miss starving myself. I'm quite aware this sounds strange to someone who's never had an eating disorder, but an ED is harder to get over then any heroin addiction or alcohol problem. Out of curiosity, does anyone I know/talked to in real lifetalked on the phone (excluding Tammy and Joyce) read this? If you do you better let me know. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: