Date: Nov. 01, 2004 Time: 12:48 PM My current mood is: LOSEEERRRRRR I'm at school right now. Just met with my L.D. advisor person. I told her how I was doing bad in one of my classes, the teacher had assigned an essay to do with the midterm, but I was absent that day so I didn't know...so I ended up getting a 44 :( So my L.D. person said I should really consider dropping that class, and just taking it next semester, and just focus on doing well in my other classes. But I can't do that, my dad would be so bullshit at me! I just know the angry disapproving face he would make, bitching at me for wasting money(except that it's not his money). I know he would think what a loser I am. Cause I've dropped out of school twice, and now here I am, supposed to FINALLY graduate, yet AGAIN I'd have to put things off. Failure. I'm so sick of being a failure. While I met with the advisor, all I could think of was wanting to slice my arms, or slice my legs, slice SOMEWHERE to take out the self loathing, the disappointment. Knowing I'm a fuck up. Again. I really really hope my teacher says I can still do something to pass the class. Why am I so retarded, why do I fuck everything up? I'm such an idiot. I feel bad that my dad has to put up with having such a loser like me. I wish I had gone back on Zoloft, that is the only medication that ever helped me, I was able to concentrate/do my work sooo much better when I was on it. Now I'm just a distracted apathetic overwhelmed ass. But it's too late to go on it. It takes a month to work, so I would only have 2-3 weeks of classes where it would be working. My dad and his girlfriend broke up again. He says this time it's final. So of course, like the day after they broke up he wants to start making dates with other chicks. He's always like that, the second he breaks up with someone, he scrambles to start making dates. I told him maybe he should give it some time, but he said he doesn't want to just sit around. I just hope he doesn't go out with someone evil again like Donna. She was a huge psycho bitch. I just don't understand why he's so obsessed with always having to be dating someone. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: