Date: Oct. 26, 2004 Time: 1:02 AM My current mood is: An exploding dam I came home just now, and just wanted to punch a wall. Aggrivation running through my veins, it could be due to everything falling apart, or it could be due to my meds(I just upped them), maybe both? Jon kept saying I was acting very dramatic tonight, though he always said it while laughing. Aside from that, I kept play fighting with him all night, cause I felt so aggrivated yet Jon makes me laugh, so play fighting is the perfect solution :D Oh, about the everything falling apart...I guess it's not *everything*, just everything having to do with school. School is crumbling. Everything racing by me so fast I can't concentrate, can't grasp everything being thrown at me. My internship advisor BITCHED me out over the phone, then afterwards emailed me bitching at me again! I didn't even get to tell her the full reason I called, about the bad thing that happened at my internship(which I won't write about since it's private business). For my Senior Sem. class, I sat waiting for class to begin, waiting to take the midterm, when I noticed everyone had a thick paper they had written infront of them. There was a supplement paper to the midterm. I Didn't know because I had missed the last class. Fuck. So I wrote my professer telling her I would be missing the next class cause of my internship, and she irritatedly said I got a 44 on the midterm cause I did not hand in a paper. Everyone is angry at me. Everything is going wrong. I keep missing papers, missing important things. I've missed so much I don't even know. It's just piling on and on and I can't keep up. The other day I crashed, too weak from lack of food to go to my internship and psych. appointment, I had to skip both. I lied and said I had the flu, when really starvation left me too weak to get out of bed. Do not fear though, I made myself eat more and have been eating more. I can't afford to do that. But I still must lose more weight. 9 more pounds. I just keep thinking...soon it will all be over, soon it will be mid-December, I will graduate and be DONE with collage. Sure, there's getting my masters, but for now FUCK THAT! Soon I will move out, have no school, and work full time. Fuck yeah. Sure that may not sound better, but for me, it is. I need structure like that, and I'm so much better at hands-on things. Anyway, so if I can just make it till then, just hold it together for 2 more months, I'll be ok. I feel like school(or maybe myself?) is a dam breaking, trying to hold the water in. Everything crumbling around me as I'm racing to catch the pieces. And missing them. It's all unwinding. I don't know what to do. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: