Date: Oct. 09, 2004 Time: 3:12 AM My current mood is: Bitter silence I haven't really felt like saying anything. A certain emptyness has filled me, the not eating, exercising, purging has been wisking away my thoughts. Actually I didn't intend for this entry to start off so glum. I asked if we could have Thanksgiving at our house this year. We haven't had it here since my mom died. Ever since then we just go to my uncle's house. My dad and sister were kind of negative about it when I brought it up, saying "so you're going to make it?". What the hell? Whenever I suggest something they always make it like only I will have to do it. Then they kept asking what would I make, did I know what I was doing, blah blah, and my sister ended up snapping angrily at me for no reason. It's not like we never had it here before! And no I never made the whole thing but geez, it's not like I don't know to make anything. Eh, it's hard for me to adiquitly express the conversation. I just ended up feeling cold and alone, once again. Sitting there eating dinner, my sister eating too but not speaking a word to me. The bitter silence giving me the idea to purge. I actually almost said to her "You really don't like me very much do you?", except then I figured it would turn into her yelling at me, and I didn't feel like there was a point to fight. And also, it would pain me to hear her answer "No, I don't". Earlier my dad yelled at me for leaving mail on the table. I can't wait to leave here. I always feel so disliked and alone at home. Anyway, I might just end up going to Jon's family's house for Thanksgiving. His family is so warm and friendly. It would be nice to have a Thanksgiving surrounded with those things. I miss warmth and caring. I think I'm just going to drop my internship. I STILL haven't started it yet! The woman was supposed to call me Wednesday to tell me when I start, but she didn't. Yeah, I could have called the next day, but I'm just feeling so fed up with the whole situation. It's already going to be the second week in October, it's really too late to start. It sucks though cause then I'm going to have to do it next semester, and that will be my only class. Which means when I move out in January, I can't get a higher paying job cause I won't have graduated yet. That's ok, I can still afford to move out with my hospital job. Which I actually almost got fired for the other day because of some miscommunication(*sigh* once again, someone else's incompetence). But I didn't! Over all I lost 6lbs! I am 116lbs. I still have to lose 10 or more. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: