Date: Sept. 22, 2004 Time: 12:34 AM My current mood is: Disliked I was just looking up GERD online again. Stomach acid keeps swimming in the back of my throat, I keep swallowing but it's still there. I have an appointment with my gastrointestonal specialist next week. Howcome every fucking website I look at, it says the way to treat severe GERD is with things I've already been on/am on, and they don't help?? From what I've read, my only other options is to try Nexium(supposed to be the best?), and after that, stomach surgery. Do I need surgery?? Apparently it takes 2 days to recuperate from it. That makes me anxious. I get acid reflux everyday. Fucking hell. Last night I swear I almost cut myself. I so wanted to just grab a pair of scissors and slice. But then I started thinking of what would happen if I was at work, what if suddenly I needed a shot and they told me to pull up my sleeve? Can you imagine? The silence, the dropped jaws? The...lack of a job? That's the only thing that keeps me from doing it. My job. I wish I wasn't so overly sensetive. It's really quite annoying. Today in class, the one I have with my sister, I came in and sat next to her. She briefly said hi, then turned back around talking with her friends. I sat there quietly, starting to feel sad. Sitting, sitting, everyone else talking to friends, but I just sat alone staring at my desk, hoping my sister would turn around and say something, include me in the convo, anything. But no. During the break I came outside with her and her friend, while they talked. Trying to join in I asked my sister how things are going. "Umm..fine..how are you" she asked in a *you're such a loser* tone/look, and laughed at me. Her friend felt bad and said "Aww you guys should talk, you're sisters". My sister didn't say anything, and then after awhile of no one talking to me, I felt uncomfortable and went inside. I feel so disliked. I wish someone would talk to me. Anyone. I stare at the names on my buddy list, hoping someone will IM me, yet I am unable to IM them first. I cannot reach out. Too much of a loser. To much room for rejection. So I just sit and stare at the names. Same thing in real life. Just hoping people will call. Hoping someone will ask how I'm doing. But even if they did, I couldn't answer it truthfully. Yet still, wishing someone would ask. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: