Date: Sept. 23, 2004 Time: 2:30 AM My current mood is: New meds tomorrow I'm such a loser, I swear I keep wanting to update this everyday lately, because...cause I'm lonely I guess. Cause talking to myself on this thing is still talking. Haaaa I think I am cracking up. Anyway, doesn't matter, cause tomorrow I have a psychiatrist appointment where I will be put on medication! Yay! I swear, going on meds is like closing your eyes, and trying to walk through a room without falling over something. Just doesn't fucking happen. Every med I've been on doesn't work, and gives me bad side effects. BUT! Never give up, right? Hey, I've been on 11 different meds, but there are tons more out there, why stop there. Except I think this time I'm going to focus more on treating my anxiety/stress. My therapist and I agreed that it seems my anxiety precipitates the depression. So maybe if I can stop the anxiety first, it will help. Also, cause I've been having self injury urges everyday, several times a day for the past few months. It's just really fucking hard to deal with. Intrusive thoughts of me dragging a sharp object across my wrist/arm, all the time in my head, it's just too much. I have a one page paper to write, and a project to write out, both due tomorrow. Yet it's almost 3am and I've done neither. I hate sleeping, yet I like it. I mean I like the feeling of actually feeling rested, but I hate going to bed. Going to bed means waking up the next day. And the thought makes me cringe. I feel like if I just make myself stay up late enough, tomorrow won't come. It can be tonight forever. I won't have to deal with the next day, and the day after, and the day after that. I want to get liposuction on my arms. Then again, if we're talking lipo, I'd like it on my stomach/backfat, and theighs too. That would be grand. I think I will be fat forever. I'm doomed. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: