Date: May. 22, 2004 Time: 12:31 AM My current mood is: Anything you want "y'know you could totally be in playboy" Jon types to me, and I cringe. I hate HATE when people say obvious lies. I have obvious love handles/back fat, and my tummy of course. Sure I got the boobs for it but seriously, enough with the fake compliments. Then again he also just said I'm like Hannibel Lector. Yep. Today I had a therapy appt. for the first time in many months. It was nice to catch up. It turns out she actually used to work for many years at the mental hospital I'm going to be working at! The bad part is that she left cause apparently it went downhill, which I've also heard from someone else. Great. One thing though, we got to talking about me being assertive about what I want in friendships. I said how like with Hilary, or even people in general, I tend to treat them like they're my guest and I'm trying to make them happy. When we want to go to the movies, I'll be like "whatever you want to see", or if someone asks where I want to go I say "doesn't matter". I asked "what if I really don't ever have a preference though?", and she replied "then that's sad". Is it? Should I always say "I want ...."? Because I just usually don't care. Or do I really care but completly disregard my opinion? It's just such an automatic thing for me. Or like if we're in the car, I'll let whoever else decide what to listen to, I figure they're my "guest". Why do I act like that? Why do I never just assume control over situations? I always want to make sure everyone is getting what they want and is happy when we're hanging out. I don't even know how to change this. Sometimes I try to, but it's hard when it's such a subconcious thing, before I even know what I'm saying I'm blurting out "I dunno, what about you?". Aah well. But then it's like, I don't want to go totally opposite and be selfish and snotty. I was so upset tonight. Jim called, and we were going to go to the local club and have a few drinks, I haven't seen him in forever. My stomach was bothering me though, and then when he must have been almost to my house, I had to call him up and tell him I couldn't go cause of my stomach was too bad :( I feel so bad for ditching him, especially that he had already left and had to drive back home. It pissed me off cause I don't even really know why my IBS acted up the way it did, I think either cause I had rice with beans in it or also I'm wondering if the slippery elm pills I'm taking did something. Bah, stupid digestive problems!!! So yeah, I ended up staying in tonight. I took off all the wallpaper in my bathroom, I'm going to paint it :D I've never painted a room before! I'm also doing the ceiling, got a new light fixture(I broke the existing one, whoops!), and getting a new window treatment. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: