Date: May. 17, 2004
Time: 6:03 PM
My current mood is:
Yes, I ate some Fig Newtons, you wanna fight me?
I felt so ashamed yesterday. What was even more embarrising was that this happened when this girl Rachel from TF was over, but fortunately she didn't hear it. My dad called me upstairs and, holding a package of Fig Newtens said "Did you eat ALL of this???" me:"What do you mean there's still plenty in there?" him:"Yeah but HALF of it is gone! You ate ALL OF IT! I asked your sister if she had any and she said no, and her boyfriend said no too!". Then he took out the half on one side and put it so they were all on one side and said "Look! It's less then half left!" cause there were 2 missing that would make a half. I was SO fucking ashamed. He said "We just bought them 2 days ago!" me:"Uh, no 4 days ago actually. You know, if you want people not to eat them, you should shelac them like that fake fruit people put on the table, and just use it as decoration!!". In the end I led him to believe that my friends at most of them. But I had eaten them. I ate 4 the day before for a snack, and the day before that ate 4, and the day before had a couple....does that seem excessive?? He makes me feel so ashamed for eating normal :( He always does this with snacks/junk food. I don't know why I don't learn, I need to stay away from that so I don't get "blamed" for eating. But if I get special stuff just for myself, then he'll bitch about how much it costs! I don't know what he wants. It's like he WANTS me to not eat normal, like it's an inconvenience for him. I know it was just like a 5 minute conversation, but last night when I was trying to sleep, I couldn't help but replaying the situation over and over, thinking about how awful it makes me feel when he does that. I never know how to respond either, I usually just try to get him to believe other people ate it. Whatever. I should just starve myself, who the fuck cares anyway. Also I was kinda embarrised cause my sister started flipping out about the chips being stale while we were in the kitchen. God, get over it! It's freakin chips, not a huge deal!Well anyway, so besides that I hung out with Rachel all day and we had fun :) Today I had an X-ray of my small intestines. I had to drink this god awful stuff that made me feel like I was going to puke. So far they said the test came back fine. I'm having cramps now from that barium drink, ufff. Ouch ouch ouch sharp pains now!
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