Date: May. 13, 2004 Time: 11:48 PM My current mood is: "You're turning violet Violet!" Bah, today I sat around and did NOTHING. I had planned on going to the gym, returning the hundreds of school books I have for a measly amount of money, returning a dead fish which I just bought yesterday and getting a new one, and calling/possibly hanging out with Jim. But none of it happened, cause I sat around all day watching tv and eating. Just too...I don't know, kinda tired, didn't have the energy to do anything. Why do I keep eating so much? Why can't I control myself better? I keep eating whatever's around, chomping all night long. I don't want to become overweight, but if I keep going on this way I will! So how do I turn myself around? I know people say "just eat better foods, watch your portions", but it's not that easy. I know what I'm eating is junk food, I just crave it. I know we have cupcakes, so I scarf them down, then grab tortilla chips and salsa and down them too, then search around for whatever else I can stuff inside. I hate that I'm gaining weight. And I hate that I keep getting too apathetic/discouraged to go to the gym. I figure hey, I just ate a bunch of junk, why even bother to work out since I'm such a fricken tub anyway? I mean if I could eat junk food for each meal of the day, I'd do it. Candybars and cake at each meal, yes surely that would be ideal. Jon has been complaining of his weight more recently as well. Infact he was saying how he's afraid of getting a new job because the one he works at now gives him a work out, so he's afraid he'll gain weight! He keeps obsessing over his stomach. For some reason we're both just in awful moods about our bodies, though we both swear the other looks fine. Mind you, I haven't said anything to him that I've been binging. Infact he doesn't know that I ever binge. For some reason puking seems more "attractive" then binging...strange I know, but I guess I've always rathered him think that I my problems were that I ate very little, or that I ate very little/normal amount then puked. Binging? No way. That's piggish. I couldn't possibly admit to that. I just wanna get a box of brownie mix, make the batter then just eat the whole bowl. Mmmmm. But no! That's horrible. I guess the upside to all this is that I'm not purging. My internal organs are thankful I'm sure. So yeah, nothing else. Didn't leave the house today except to grab the mail, which is right outside the door. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. PS- My diary layout sucks, any suggestions?? Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: