Date: May. 02, 2004
Time: 1:06 PM
My current mood is:
Family dynamics
Last night my sister came in my room and we talked for awhile. She started talking about our family, how fucked up they all are. She's so angry at them all. I feel like I used to be like that, but as I've gotten older I've sort of learned to accept it. I mean not in a bad way, more like I just accept that certain people are the way they are, and you can't change them. That fighting with them doesn't actually do anything, it just makes them more annoying. I guess I just try to find love/positive things where I can in my family now. So instead of dwelling on the negative things they say, I just let it roll off my back and laugh it off, and try to savor the positive things instead. And by doing this, I think I actually get along with them better, cause I'm not nearly as defensive as i used to be, and as defensive as my sister is right now. Kinda like when you reward a dog when they act good, I've found my family reacts similar, I mean not perfect of course, but it does help. I feel bad though, right now my sister is really focused on my grandmother, she keeps saying how my grandmother always just puts her down and never has anything positive to say to her. It bothers me cause I dunno, she doesn't really do that to me. Or if she does I just consider it joking and laugh it off, but my sister takes everything very seriously. I think if she learned to just not take things so personal and try to act nicer, my grandmother would act nicer to her back. At least that's how it is with me, I just ignore it and try to have more respectful conversation, and my grandmother goes along with it. I think, not just in my family, but other people too, they want to push your buttons, but if you just ignore it and don't respond with the typical way, they don't do it so much. Anyway, I think my sister is feeling so dissallusioned lately because she's been taking a course on verbal abuse.She was also saying she always wished I would be more of a sister to her. The thing is, she can say this, but absolutely refuses to admit that she's very hostile and angry a lot. That's why I haven't tried to be closer...I mean I actually have, and end up just not, cause she'll be nice then out of nowhere be mean or start yelling at me. It's hard to be close to someone like that. Yet she refuses to admit it could be that at all (even though everyone knows she's like that...yet I'm making it up??). She just says I've always just ignored her and kept to myself. And that the reason we've been closer lately is because she's been trying to talk to me more. Whatever! More like she's suddenly being nice instead of a bitch lately, so we're talking more. I just wish she would at least acknowledge her attitude.
Leave a message
Last Entry ~ Next Entry
|