Date: Apr. 24, 2004
Time: 1:01 AM
My current mood is:
The complexities of eating "right"
What is the exact amount? Of each meal and each snack? What are the exact times to the minute that I am to eat? I wish I knew. I wish I knew the magic numbers. I sit watching tv with my sister, and she just watches the tv, while I sit there wishing she would get something to eat, or at least complain of hunger, thereby allowing me to eat something. I know logically I can get something to eat. But we ate dinner together, and then later I had a snack, and then I was still hungry...but she had nothing, which means that I am wrong in being hungry, I am abnormal and piggish. Usually I'm ok with eating normal, but around my sister I don't know what to do. She tends to eat small meals, and I moniter every bite to see who is eating more, and when I should stop(because I should stop when she does, if I eat more than it's too much). So I do nothing, and once we all go to bed I sneak back to the kitchen and eat and eat, the old familiar feeling of stuffing myself and then purging. Except I haven't purged. And just the crust left of this toasted (fake)cheese sandwich, and I'm wondering what else I can have...more chips I think. I'm normal, I'm normal, but how do I eat? When is the right time for an evening snack? Apparently you're not supposed to eat after dinner, but what if my breakfast is at noon? What about that I always snack at night, am I wrong? A pig? Destined to become overweight? Perhaps my meals aren't large enough, or maybe not calorie-dense enough. A sugar-free popsicle before dinner, and I wonder what my problem is, why can't I wait till dinner? Snacks here and there, I only add up the first half of the day's calories, it usually is about 500 before dinner. And then dinner, and from then on snacking and more snacking. Whatever. Once I start exercising I'll be able to eat whatever and stay in shape.
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