Date: Feb. 19, 2004 Time: 2:17 AM My current mood is: My grandfather died Today as I got home from school, my dad said he had bad news. My grandfather died. I can't believe it. I don't feel like he's really gone. I was supposed to visit him tomorrow. And I can't help but feel horribly guilty cause I hadn't seen him. I kept telling myself I should call/visit, but that I didn't have time. I guess I thought he would just still be there. I knew he was going to die, but I thought he would live longer. He said he was going to wait to die till the spring, and I believed him. Should've should've should've.... In the end it's what he wanted though. I mean he always complained about not wanting to live like this, but since the doctors told him about his terminal stomach thing(can't pronounce it), he just kept talking about how he wanted to OD on a bunch of pills, how he didn't want to live any longer. So he got his wish. Except I don't know if he OD'd or died naturally. Infact I haven't talked to my aunt yet. Guess I just need time to myself. I feel bad, I feel like I should...I just can't right now. I know she'll be bawling her eyes out. And part of me fears she'll start guilt tripping me, which I could NOT handle! That must of been awful for her though, to find her father there dead. I can't even imagine what it's like to find someone dead. I feel so bad cause she's going to be so lost without him. All she has now is my sister and I, and maybe a couple friends. How is she going to support herself? I don't think she's mentally healthy enough to have a full time job for very long. I wonder if my dad will go to the funeral? Personally I think he should, but I don't know if he will. I mean yes they haven't been on speaking terms for awhile, but he's known my grandfather for so long, how could he not go? I feel like my family is dwindling down to nothing. Now all I have left is my dad, sister, grandmother, and aunt. Technicly I have 2 uncles as well, but I barely see them and don't really think of them as "family". Soon I will be all alone. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: