Date: Feb. 21, 2004 Time: 1:42 AM My current mood is: The aftermath Thank you to those who left guestbook messeges/emails to me, that was very nice of you. Today was the funeral. Afterwards we went to this restaurant that my grandfather told use we should all go to after his funeral(he knew he was going to die so he told us his last wishes). It was sad and...I dunno, don't really feel like talking about it. I b/p'd 3 times in a row tonight. I keep eyeing the rest of my food that's left, wondering if I should go for a fourth. Today as we were getting ready to leave, Jon said "Wow your boobs look HUGE!", and it really really triggered me. He's said many times before and I didn't care, but this time I just felt really awful when he said that, I felt so fucking fat. It felt like he said "Wow you gained so much weight, you're a whale!". All day I've been sucking in my stomach cause I feel so disgustingly fat. I ordered a Tae Bo tape online, the one I used to have but my vcr ate it. I'm going off my diet this week since I will have to eat at the shiva(like a wake but a week long), but after that I am hardcore dieting. It's so disgusting I need this fat off of me now. I keep not being able to sleep. Last night I took 2 Tylonal PM's, and they didn't even work! Normally I can take just one and it will put me to sleep. Jon said I shoulk make an appt. with my therapist, but I don't see why me not being able to sleep is going to be fixed by talking to her. Even now, it's almost 2am and I don't feel that tired...or like I am tired, but I feel like if I tried to sleep I wouldn't be able to. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: