Date: Jan. 16, 2004 Time: 11:57 PM My current mood is: I wish I was thin and had a bitchin' car. I feel so fucking gross(fat) but hungry at the same time. Right now I'm feeling envious/reminiscant of when I used to be thin. I've been dieting a bit(a healthy amount, nothing bad) yet I don't think it's kicked in. Then again, I'm used to being able to drop weight like a pound a day. Dieting normal take patience. *sigh* I'm such a lazy fuckhead though, I didn't exercise today OR yesterday. I think I'm gaining weight from the Nuvaring(type of hormonal birthcontrol). I mean first it was just my boobs that were bigger, and that was ok. But now my waist is expanding....SO NOT COOL! Katie was saying her sister gained 25lbs from the birth control shot. I'd die if that happened. She looks totally fine though, cause she was thin before that. I just feel very triggered lately, and I just can't make it go away. I hate how I look in everything, I can't stand to look in the mirror, or to feel my flab, or to have Jon touch my sides. I like having a birth control that I don't have to take everyday though, I know I'd forget it all the time. Oddly enough, my sister's been friendly lately. We've been talking a lot, last night we talked for awhile, weird! I told her that she comes across as hostile to people, and she was like "Huh?", like she honestly didn't realize! That's so strange considering she's pretty much known for being really bitchy, anyone that knows her knows about it. I guess some people really have no idea how they come off to other huh? My house has been so cold! The heat isn't working well, it totally sucks. Tonight Katie and her sister Maurine came over, and Jon was over cause he made me dinner. Katie has a PHAT new ride, some kind of low riding sportscar, normally I don't care about cars at all but seeing hers/being in it, I felt so jealous. Damnit, why can't I have nice stuff like that?? Grrr. I told Jon and he said he likes that I'm not materialistic. But you know what? Sometimes not being materialistic sucks cause then you never have anything nice, lol! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: