Date: Oct. 31, 2003 Time: 1:03 PM My current mood is: Angsty update I feel like everyone thinks I'm stupid. People call me a ditz, roll their eyes at things I say/do, talk down to me. Is it that they try to ascribe stupidity to me, or that I give off the impression first to others? I realized this as I was trying to think of things I could say to this woman in my class...she always tells me how hard she thinks the class is. I think it's easy and have no problem understanding it at all, but I never say that, I always just say "Yeah" and then try to change the subject. I just think it's polite to agree that it's hard, don't want to make her feel dumb you know? But then it's like...why do I feel bad about saying I think something is easy? I've always thought that it's better to be humble and not let people know your full potential/intelligence. Is that true? I guess I started thinking about this the other day when I met with my learning disorder advisor at school. She looked over my scores and gave me all these compliments...I don't know, I feel really weird when people tell me I'm intelligent. It makes me uncomfortable, and almost makes me wish I wasn't. I always feel like I'm bragging...even writing this entry I feel like I'm saying "Look at me, I'm so smart!". I hate it when people flaunt their intelligence (or what they think is intelligence). I think part of my issues stem from having a learning disorder. It just makes things so confusing, you KNOW you can understand something, but for some reason you mess up or can't do it. It's such a paradox. I've always been told I'm smart yet I've always felt so incredibly stupid. I forget things ALL the time, the simplist things...people roll their eyes, thinking "not again". Even my opinions are considered second rate, although I'm very often right. I give an opinion to my dad, he shoots it down. Only when my sister voices her opinion does he listen. Tonight is halloween! I'm giving out candy for the first part of the night, then going out to the goth club with Jon, Hilary and Mike. Hilary and I are dressing up as prom queens! We got a camera so there will be pictures posted once I get them back. I hate how Hilary acts like a bitch to Jon. She's cool around me, but then when he's in the picture she acts so...she acts jealous. She gets so possessive of me, I really think that's why she acts like that. It also bothers me that, like what I was takling about in the first paragraph, she tries to act like she's smarter and I'm more dumb. All her and Mike do all day is watch the news and check 500 different news websites, so when we hang out all they do is say "Have you heard about.." and I say "No", and talk about all these random things I haven't heard of. Like excuse me for not reading 10 newspapers a day. I mean I do read the paper, but geez they read the news from other countries and all these different sources...it'd be impossible to catch up, mainly because I actually have things to DO with my day. It just bothers me cause I always feel like an idiot, it's always them telling me information. I mean half the time I have read/heard of what they're talking about, sometimes I'm the one that knows more about the subject. But still, I wish they would stop acting like teachers. It's like, if you want to teach people information..BE A TEACHER. Therwise shut the hell up once in awhile. Ok I know this sounds like I hate them or something but I don't. I just get annoyed at times. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: