Date: Sept. 10, 2003
Time: 8:56 PM
My current mood is:
The L-word *cringes* Why bother say it?
Great save! I almost just binge/purged, but I stopped myself, as I did earlier today, yay me :) Diet Coke, you are my hero. Today I decided to go shopping, cause I really needed new jeans. Mine are all baggy, I had thown out all my Thin pants and am only left with Recovery pants. So anyway, I got a some jeans...can I just ask when did The Gap raise their prices?? Like friggen $50 isn't enough for jeans, now you gotta pay almost $70?! Anyway, I got them with a discount so wasn't that bad. And I bought a calender that has pictures of The Cape (beach area up here), so whenever he looks at it he'll be reminded of the times we've gone there *little bubbly hearts* Jon slept over last night then went to work this afternoon, I miss him. I want to go visit him at work but I'm just too damn tired (haven't been getting much sleep lately). I'll call him when he gets out. I was thinking about love lately. Jon brings it up sometimes, not saying he loves me, but he asks if I ever sometimes get the urge to say it, and says he sometimes does though he doesn't feel like he's ready to. But I have a feeling he does love me. Do I love him? I don't know. I almost feel like I don't want to cheapen our relationship by saying that. People say it all the time and almost always break up. I've said it to guys I've gone out with in the past yet I look back at them now and think "Oh god WHY did I go out with them??". I feel like by saying it, it's a lie. A lie because there's so little chance our relationship will last (because they never do) so why even pretend it will? I know it's really pessimistic but it's true. I guess I'm terrified of saying it. I never tell anyone I love them, except for my family when they say it to me first so I have to say it back. And how do you know that you definitly love someone, like a constant thing? What if when you say it you mean it, but maybe the next day you just really care about them a lot, but not love? And then the next day love them again...it's just so confusing, and so permenent. Once you say it, that's implying that you will mean it for awhile. You can't just tell someone you love them for that hour. It means you will continue to for an undisclosed long amount of time. Why can't people just say they care about each other, cause at least that way it's not so black and white, it's like a large grey area. Grey areas are so much more comfortable for me. I REALLY need to go to the dentist. I haven't been to one in... 2 1/2 years?? Eeek.
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