Date: Sept. 04, 2003 Time: 12:05 AM My current mood is: Another hypo attack, being scared Today I went shopping. One of the things I bought was a blood glucose tester cause it was on sale. I don't diabetes, but I do get hypoglycemic attacks. I figured hey, may as well get one just so I can check, maybe avoid attacks. Mind you, I only become hypoglycemic during my eating disorder, if I eat normal I'm fine. Ironicly, I had a hypo attack today right after I tested myself. I figured I'd test since I was feeling a bit hazy/not well after purging, the result was 63. Then I was fiddling around with it and reading the instructions and ended up having an attack...I tried doing the test again so I could see how low it got, but I was shaking too much to do it properly, and for some reason my blood wouldn't come out enough to do another test...I know have several poke holes in me lol. So yeah, I assume it dropped less then 63. If anyone knows anything about this stuff (hint hint dimstar) let me know. I went to Old Navy to get some clothes. Much to my surprise a size 16 in childrens pants was too big on me! I got a pair that was a size 14, even them I know the second I loose a pound they will be too big on me(there were no slim fit 14's and 12 is too small), I just had to get them though they're so cute, I love how girls jeans have cute little patches/designs on them :) Got some shirts, went to the book store and bought The Jungle. Also I registered for classes today! Yes, I have SCHOOL tomorrow *gasp* I have made the upgrade from do-nothing-bum to student. I'm nervous! In the car today I was thinking about how I feel so empty. Like I'm not even a full person, just an empty shell of one. I feel so...I don't know how to describe. Afraid to do normal things. Just talking to people, even people I know, I feel so scared and weird inside, like I'm trying so hard to pretend I am like them (a normal living person) when inside all I want to do is run away as fast as possible. It's so much easier to just sit in my room and do nothing. Pretending to smile, pretending to be calm, trying to come up with conversation that's appropriate, it gets hard. Actually it's gotten worse. I used to be more ok about these things, but it seems I've gradually gotten worse again. I can talk to people online just fine. But in real life? SCARED. Even my own family, it scares me to talk to them. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: