Date: Aug. 29, 2003 Time: 5:01 PM My current mood is: I'm left with only mounds of empty dirt. Weak, shakey, my throat hurts. I hadn't purged in a few days which was pretty cool, but just now I did. The reason sounds kind of dumb. I went outside to see that my sister's boyfriend, who is mulching, had ripped out all the flowers I'd planted and thrown mulch over the area. Seeds that Jon gave me in the spring, and I'd grown them carefully inside till they were strong enough to be planted outside. Other flowers that Jon had gotten me in full bloom, which now held no flowers but still grew lush and green, pulled out because my father said they "looked ugly there". I don't understand. Why did they look ugly? How can nature look ugly or be in the wrong place? He says they look like weeds. Are planted flowers only flowers if they are sprouting colors? What after that? Why can't they be pretty just being green plants? And who is anyone to say what looks good or not when I'm the one who spent time growing them, taking care of them? I don't think anyone shares my views on this, no one understands. So I felt depressed, and immediatly ate a bunch then puked. My dad was away for a few days. He just got home earlier, Jon and I scattering around my room quickly to find our clothes and pretend like he had just come over, not spent the night. In the short amount of time that he's been home he's already bitched about the boxes on the floor about 3-4 times. The boxes are packages JUST came today, so we hadn't gotten around to putting them in the trash yet (more irrational spending from my crazy aunt). I wish instead he would of not mentioned the boxes, and instead told me about his trip, said how fun it was, or asked more about me and my sister. But whatever, people can't change just because you will them too. Last night Hilary and Jon came over and we drank while watching the MTV music awards. I kind of felt like a geek, my sister had all these people over yet I ony had 2...well all my friends are too "adult" and 9-5, they all go to bed at like 9pm now lol. Hilary finally got a job so now she'll be going to bed at 9pm too(Now she can finally get off food stamps). I'm vegetarian now. Almost vegan, but not that hardcore. Actually I'm sort of confused about the definition of each. I don't eat meat, eggs, or dairy now. I didn't much before, though I still ate poultry, occasionally eggs/dairy. I'm hesitent about telling anyone. I know anyone I tell will just make fun of me :( Why don't I know anyone openminded? I told Jon and he didn't laugh at me, but he suggested I still eat chicken. Since I told him, he'll randomly ask questions about it. I can tell he's kind of against it but acts respectful. If I told my dad he'd have a whole arguement about it and make fun of me constantly. He already pretty much does since up until recently I didn't eat meat except for chicken. So I'm afraid to tell him. Why can't people understand you can be perfectly healthy without eating animal products? So anyway, I haven't told any of my friends cause I know they too will roll their eyes and laugh. No one takes my ideas seriously. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: