Date: Jul. 23, 2003 Time: 1:13 PM My current mood is: I'm going to kick your ass and stab you Yesterday I bought online a shirt that says "Fuck your fascist beauty standards", and I got this keychain weapon! Now if anyone tries to fuck with me I can stab them senseless. In all seriousness though, I think all women should carry some sort of small weapon...it really sucks saying that, cause we shouldn't have to. But the reality is you never know what can happen. They say 1 in 4 women get raped..I've never been raped, so as far as I know, I could still be that one but it just hasn't happened yet. I remember once awhile ago, I was walking back to my car after leaving a club at 1am. It was dark and there was no one around, except for some guy on a bicycle. He started riding near me, asking me questions and staring at me. It really freaked me out, I was really afraid. I got in my car quickly and nothing happened, but what if it did? Sure I've taken martial arts classes in the past, but not in awhile. I just feel good knowing that if someone tries to fuck with me, they're going to get stabbed in the face. I refuse to be helpless. What got me thinking about this was the book Cunt, which I read yesterday. It was a little overboard at times, but overall had a good messege. So far I've lost 4lbs. I feel guilty, I feel like I'm part of the "problem" and not part of the "solution" as far as feminism goes. I feel like I'm giving in to consumer driven culture, taking those diet pills like I should and feeling insecure about my body like I should. I feel like I should be setting a good example, I should be saying "Weight doesn't matter", and showing people what it's like to love yourself. By me striving to be underweight, doesn't that just go right along with what people want us to believe? That the only way to truely be happy is to change ourselves (and buy their products)? I feel like I'm sending the wrong messege to women. I'm agreeing with fashion magazines. I feel like I want to do something. I want to help, I want to make change..my only obstacle: myself. I looked up the feminist organization called NOW, and thought about participating. But I can't, I'm too afraid. I hate going to places by myself, being in a room full of people I don't know. It paralyzes me. Why can't I just be outgoing and care free? Then I'd do lots of things, help causes, volunteer. I'm just too afraid to. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: