Date: May. 27, 2003 Time: 11:31 PM My current mood is: New class and new medication. Ok I'm confused. The Healthy Body Calculater webpage says I should eat 2,450 while the Calorie Control Council says I should have either 1,655 or 1,910 depending on my activity level. What should I go by? I'm just going to try to stick with 1,600 or what I do on most days: Don't count the calories because the answer will horrify me lol. I must say I am doing well so far with eating normal. Tonight I went to my Substance Abuse Counciling class for the first time. I really enjoyed it :) Sitting there listening to the professer, I realized how much I enjoy psychology courses, and how much I missed them. Not just from dropping out, but I miss mentally BEING there while in class, all the times that I wanted to learn but ended up just half assing it while in a deep depression or too deep in my eating disorder to fully show my abilities in school. I want to do well in school. Anyway, this class was one I could really relate to. All the talk about addictions, I really saw myself in that. Obviously not with drugs and alcohol, but with my eating and past self injury. She made a drawing on the board showing addictions of avoidence that people used, putting in eating disorders and self injury, I flinched as she wrote it. Of course someone had to ask about self injury, about why someone would do that to themselves. Whenever I'm in a psych. class and self injury gets brought up, it's alwys the same...someone asks how could someone do that in this tone of voice like "ewwww they're sick!!". It makes me feel awful. It's not like people get a sick pleasure out of it, it's a way to cope with the awful feelings. Anyway, the teacher responded "People who do that have been sexually abused. Not to generalize but that's what it's mostly from". That kind of annoyed me because I haven't been sexually abused. But whatever. I'm psyched cause one of the things we have to do is actually go to an AA meeting! Yes I'm a geek cause I'm looking forward to that lol. A lot of what she said though about being an addict, I don't know, it just really touched me, if that's the word for it. I also went to my psych. today, he put me on Strattera. It's primarily an ADD medication, but he said it also has antidepressent effects. I'll start it tomorrow morning, crossing my fingers in hopes that it will work! I really need to be able to pay attention in school...as well as be able to function enough to go (from depression). Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: