Date: Apr. 22, 2003 Time: 3:25 PM My current mood is: Revenge of the stomach acid I just renewed my gold membership! Except just gold, not super gold, so no more comments for each entry. That's ok, still got a good old guestbook :) Last night Jon, Hilary and I saw Assemblage 23 at the goth club. They were pretty cool, and I was soooo happy that they played my favorite song! It's about how someone he knows killed themself, and now he's pissed off about it. As lame as this sounds, I seriously listen to this song whenever I feel like dying, it reminds me that killing yourself is NOT an option, that you're leaving people behind. I dunno, it just helps me see things in a different way. Jon got pissed at me yesterday, he got me to admit that my goal is to be underweight. He's mad cause before I said I'm trying to be healthy...but I can't lie to him, that's not really my goal anymore. I want to be thin. He said it's not fair for me to say that then give him shit about eating properly, I said it IS fair cause I worry about him when he doesn't eat right. I mean it's totally different. Right? I worry about him being ok, but I'm fine. He thinks that since I'm trying to lose weight I'm purging more. I tried to tell him I AM being healthier, I mean I have cut down on purging....unfortunatly I'm not comfortable using terms like "purge/puke/vomit" infront of him, so I found myself unable to explain how I'm being healthier. Last night something totally sucked: After the Assemblage 23 played we were all sitting down on a couch chillin listening to music, suddenly my acid reflux acted up more then it ever had before, it was awful! It came up PAST my throat into the back of my mouth, almost puking everywhere, I'm so glad that I didn't. I started choking from it! I kept trying to breath in but I couldn't breath. Finally it stopped but my throat killed and my voice got horse for the rest of the night. Also my esauphagous felt like a shaken up bottle of soda the rest of the night, I could feel stomach acid tingling up and down it, with an awful feeling of pressure inside. This is what I get for keeping down 500 calories a day and cutting back on purging! I need to make a docters appt. about this, last night it just really scared me and I really don't want to end up puking next time, or choking even worse! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: