Date: Apr. 20, 2003 Time: 1:30 AM My current mood is: I have no life.....ephedra is yummy God I'm so fucking BORED! I just stayed at home all night on the computer, I'm such a huge geek. I could of gone out but was too lazy. I was hanging out with Jon earlier but I made him go home so I could puke my dinner in peace. We got into a fight the other day kind of. Not even really a fight, but nonetheless I ended up bursting into tears. Sheesh what a baby I am! There was like no reason for it either, I felt like the biggest idiot. It was weird cause I didn't even feel like it was me, like I dissociated. Maybe cause I'm just not used to crying and cause it was so random. I'm happy, I was approved for a Victoria's Secret credit card! I bought some sexy lingerie on it, ooo-la-la! Alright I know this sounds bad but....I've given up on getting better. For now, that is. I just want to be thin again! That's all I want right now. But it's not like I'm totally giving up, I mean I know in the future I can get better. Just right now I don't want to...I'm not ready. But it's ok, it's no big deal. I'm still trying not to purge as much, though not always succeeding, basiclly if I'm hanging out with Jon or friends I do it once or twice a day, if by myself the whole day then 4 times day. I just feel like binging is wasting food, my dad is getting so mad at the grocery bill, he doesn't realize we went from feeding 3 people to 5 (Jon and my sister's boyfriend), aside from me eating everything! Plus I feel better physically/mentally when I'm purging 1-2 times a day rather then more. I don't even really know how much I weigh, my collar bones are starting to show more and my theighs no longer touch, yet my scale says I'm normal weight, weird. I'm thinking my scale may be broken cause Jon said he's 143lbs, but when I weighed him on my scale(yes I weighed him lol), it said 149, but if anything it seemes like he lost weight, so that doesn't make sense. Grrr....and I spent $90 on that scale!!! This entry is kinda lame, I'm spaced out from diet pills. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: