Date: Apr. 18, 2003 Time: 1:55 AM My current mood is: Something's wrong. Very wrong. So exhausted and dizzy right now, since 6:30pm I've puked 4 times. Tonight I went to my Aunt and Grandfather's for Passover. Mind you, we're not religious nor was any of the food kosher lol. Of course there was drama, screaming, and many tears. All from my aunt mind you. Her and my sister got into this big fight, GOD it was really annoying! Eventually things settled down though and we ate dinner. I looked at my sister's plate left half uneaten, and realized she had shaped the food into a pattern. "Pfff how annoying, I'm glad I'm not that way with food" I thought, till I looked at my own plate and realized I had made my own pattern, the food into a ring(too look more eaten) with one grean bean in the middle. Hmm. Yesterday I checked the messeges and my gyno left me one saying she would call back about some test results.....WHAT?????? That has never happened before. Why would she need to discuss test results?? She didn't even say on the messege, she she said she needed to talk to me... what's wrong with me? Am I pregnent? Do I have an STD? Cervical Cancer? ALL THREE??? I mean.....aaaahhhh! I couldn't be pregnent, I mean I just got my period. I've already pre-decided that whatever it is, it is my death warrent. Whatever the bad news will be, this will seal my fate, I will fully dedicate myself to starvation and wittling myself away to bone. It's not just some silly idea. My mind has deemed it so. Whatever is wrong, it means I am tainted, I am a horrible person. My only punishment: death by starvation. No more recovery. I am serious here folks. Last night I couldn't sleep till about 6am, I was just up all night worrying about what it could be. Of course I called today and the secretary was like "She'll call you back" and she never did, bitch!! This is important information! Impending doom, I can feel it. I know this sounds a tad overdramatic since I don't even know what's wrong, but gynocologists do NOT leave messeges if everything is ok. Day 2 of not hanging out with Jon! Whew, got a breather. He asked if he could come over tonight but I said no. Tomorrow we're hanging out, so that's cool. Just needed some space. I'm so used to spending large amounts of time in solitude, it's very weird hanging out with someone 24/7! The other day I accused him of reading my diary. He mentioned something I wrote in my last entry, and that was the last straw. He does this CONSTANTLY! I'll write something and the next day he'll mention it, or be like "Do you feel like blah blah blah?" saying what I wrote about how I felt. He totally denied it and then said he can just read me pretty well. I guess he's just a really perseptive person, I can tell he was completely truthful about not reading this. Phew, I'm glad I finally asked him and got that straightened out :) Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: