Date: Mar. 28, 2003 Time: 6:23 PM My current mood is: I'm an embarrisment. "Fortunately or unfortunately, Ilana has quit Petco. Fortunately, because it is a crappy job that's only for high school students, in my opinion. Unfortunately, because she didn't line up a new job before she quit. Thus, she is temporarily unemployed. I'm pushing her slightly to get a job as a receptionist. She did tell me the other day, though, that she's thinking of taking one or two summer courses at *name of college*. That's a little hopeful. What she doesn't know yet, though, is that I'm going to tell her to pay for it and, if she gets C's or better, I'll reimburse her. I'm tired of blowing the trust money on her not finishing courses." -an email my dad wrote about me(I took out the name of the school) I feel like shit after reading that. It is obvious that I'm a huge dissapointment. My dad is so embarrised of me, I can tell. Everyday he'll be like "So, what did you do today?" as I'm sitting there in my pajamas. It's fairly obvious I haven't done jack shit, but he still feels the need to ask me anyway so I can shamefully admit I've done nothing (except eat and puke all day). I'm so embarrised to even live here, knowing that he looks down on me and thinks I'm a loser. Why even bother taking courses, obviously it's pointless and I can't do it anyway. I'm so useless. I know my family is wondering why the fuck am I even here. I have no job, I don't pay rent, I don't go to school, I don't contribute to civilization in any way..... All I do is cause annoyance. I dunno, I just can't get over the inner shame i have, knowing my family looks down on me, knowing they probably regret my very existance. I've already ate and threw up 3 times by 5pm, I wonder how many more... who fucking cares? Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: