Date: Mar. 24, 2003 Time: 4:54 PM My current mood is: Some ranting about EDs, my UTI, and some fish pills. Ouch ouch ouch, my stomach hurts. It has been all day long since I woke up, damn you digestive system damn you! It's not like I'm even keeping down whole meals yet, this is just from my easy-to-digest meal plan I concocted. Last night I was looking at some diaries/reading posts of people with eating disorders, and I realized that all everyone talks about is weight/food/purging. Ok this has always been true, but just last night it hit me how boring it is. Over and over, the same stupid shit....and you know what, I'm not even trying to knock people, cause I talk about the same stuff. How boring to always talk about weight and food. EDs annoy me(note that I did not say people with EDs). For the 5 millionth time I decided I want to start eating normal and be strong. I tend to go back and forth on that thought all day long, one second wanting to fall deep into the arms of self destruction, losing weight, then next back to wanting to be normal and healthy. And I know if I do go to that clinic, it will just be to help me get on my feet, but not the answer to all my problems. I don't think a recovery place can make you get better, they can certainly help you, but ultimatly it's one's own journey. I see so many people say they can't get better cause they can't get treatment. I wish I could let them know that treatment isn't what makes you recover, it's YOU. Treatment can guide you along the way, but it is your own will that makes you get better. *ahem* ok I will get of my soap box now. Hmmm what else to say. I ordered a bunch of books online and the first one came today, it's called "Getting In Touch With Your Inner Bitch", hehe. I also ordered Complete Stories by Franz Kafka, Kiss My Tiara, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, The Cinderella Complex, Fast Food Nation, and The Princess Bride. Wee! I have so much shit to read :) I'm currently reading The Frailty Myth, and after that need to read Catcher and the Rye, and then Dragonlance:Time of the Twins. THEN I can start on all those other books. You know what sucks, I'm pretty certain I have a urinary tract infection. This sucks. Oh I bought these omega-3 fatty acids(found in fish) pills, they're supposed to help depression. I haven't started taking them yet, I hope they work! I'm afraid when Jon moves up here, he'll see the "real" me, meaning when I'm not always happy. In the past it's been hard for boyfriends to deal with my depression. I think I'm still a bit gunshy from that guy Charlie I went out with years ago, he would get angry when I got depressed, and the more sad I got the more angry he'd get :( What a fucking douchebag. Anyway, I didn't buy those pills for Jon, I bought them for myself, but just saying I hope Jon doesn't get freaked out that I'm depressed a lot(even though he has depression too). Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: