Date: Mar. 11, 2003 Time: 8:42 PM My current mood is: The Revulsion? I have the hugest headache right now, I think it's from the 4 1/2 hour drive coming home today from New York(I accidently got lost and drove to New Jersey!). I just ate and threw up twice. That was the sucky thing about being at Jon's for the past 5 days, wasn't able to puke much. I felt bad, Monday Jon went to work and his parents left, telling me I had run of the house and could help myself to whatever I wanted to eat....I ate and threw up twice, hope they didn't know! Later on that night I ate chinese food with Jon, awhile after I said "I'll be right back I have to pee", and he said "Just so you know, my mom and sister are home. They're down there". I got so embarrised, knowing he was refering to if I was going to go puke. Shame filled me, but not long enough since I purged anyway. Damn, I just realized all I'm talking about is puking....shouldn't I be talking about how my time was in New York?? *sigh* New York was ok, I had a nice time. We went to the city and shopped around, I bought a tight army shirt at the Army Navy store and a Filler Bunny comic(hehe anyone know Filler Bunny?). I dragged Jon into a pet store where I proceeded to name every reptile and fish...damn idiots put parrot fish with platies, that's a smart move :P Jon just nodded his head politely though I could tell he had no idea what I was talking about, especially when I started talking about the different lakes of African Cichlids, I'm such a geek lol! He actually told me he liked hearing all about it. I felt weird about Jon this weekend though. Infact I had a talk with hungry-hippo about as she calls it, The Revulsion. I think I am feeling The Revulsion with Jon. I feel so guilty, because he really is so great to me, it's just....he's a little *too* great to me. He's kind of overwhelming, always telling me how much he cares about me, always being so emotional, it makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction! I just wish he was a little more...I don't know...tough? Manly? I hate to say it but it makes me lose respect for him when he acts so much like a doormat to me. He does anything I say, and acts like he wants me to mother him. I admit I'm not an emotional person to people, I like to keep things inside, so when I see him brimming over with emotion it makes me think "ewww". It makes me angry. I want him to be more assertive, more aggressive, not like dominant over me, but just less passive, and less emotional. I admit I am a bit bossy to guys, and like being in control, but not too much. I want him to be more distant sometimes, to say no to me, to sometimes push me away. He tells me I have a strong personality. I admit, people do say I am stubbern, strong willed, a bitch. I want him to be like that too. I need someone to match me. I don't want someone who I will constantly have fights with, but I do need a certain level of...I don't know, I don't know the word. I just kinda see things going in the wrong direction with Jon, him putting me on a pedistal, doing anything for me and anything I say, being in awe of me. It's uncomfortable. I don't like it. He's just about fallen in love with me, and it's just way too soon for that, I'm afraid he cares about me much more then I care about him. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: