Date: Feb. 06, 2003 Time: 11:13 AM My current mood is: Emotions Guess what.....Jon's coming today! Yay! He was just going to come on Friday as usual, but then he found out it's going to snow a lot. He was afraid he wouldn't make it so he decided to just call out sick tomorrow instead. Odd how my emotions come and go, for awhile he was annoying me and I just wanted him to stop telling me his feelings/being emotional, my cold winds stung him. Now I'm all back to wishing he was here and always hoping he'll call me, and wanting to just throw my arms around him. I think what helped is that we had a long talk about it. I told him about how it's hard cause when he's here things are great, but then during the week when he's gone I tend to want to push him away. We talked more about how he needs to be patient with me, not overload me with his feelings, I told him how I definitly appreciate it and probably other girls in my position would love it, but I'm just odd when it comes to emotions. Anyway, I'm going to laugh at him tonight because he decided to shave *down there* for me, lol. It was weird, the other day my dad was telling me about my grandmother. He was sitting in the dark, and I could tell he was upset. It freaked me out, and I didn't know what to do. All I wanted to do was run, leave the room. Not because of what he was saying, but because he was upset. I feel like such a...I don't know, an alien. I honestly didn't know what to do, where I think a normal person would hug him, say something feeling. I just stood there by the doorway feeling clumsy and uncomfortable, unable to show empathy or emotion, just saying "oh.". My grandmother isn't dying or anything, she's sick with pneumonia and had to go back into the hospital because she was bleeding internally. They gave her a colonoscopy. My dad seemed like he was about to cry as he told me about the colonoscopy, and I wondered what he would have done had he found out I had to have one done that time, when I was shitting massive amounts of blood for days. I'm glad I never told him. Anyway, I don't know how to show emotion to my family, to any of them. I wish I wasn't so steel on the outside, why can't I hug people, show emotions, express myself? Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: