Date: Jan. 12, 2003 Time: 10:01 PM My current mood is: "No matter what I do All I think about is you Even when I�m with my boo, boy you know I�m crazy over you" Guess where I've been all weekend... Ok, Friday Jon called me at work, saying that he wanted to call me later on when I get home at 7pm. I was kinda like what the fuck...he wanted me to stay home on a friday night, I mean I like talking to him but I was planning on going out. But I said ok fine, silently wondering about it. So later on he called, and said "What if I could magicly transport myself to your house, wouldn't that be cool?", and I said yes of course that would rock, and he says "I'll call you right back", and outside I hear a door slam, he actually drove 5 hours just to come see me!! So this was a cool surprise, he stayed up here this weekend, we stayed at a hotel :) I did come home at one point and my dad called and asked why I didn't come home all weekend, I told him I stayed at Hilary's, he'd be so pissed off if he knew. Jon and I had sex for the first time ;) Ok granted, we just started seeing each other, but how could I resist?? Hey I figure, we've only been seeing each other since...umm..ok the past couple times he's been down here, but we've known each other much longer so that makes it ok. I feel bad though, he gets so anxious that he has anxiety attacks. He literally gets sick to his stomach around me, like he's going to puke. I guess I just have that effect on people, hehe, I make people want to hurl. So anyway, this doesn't make for a good food situation, he'll just sit and stare at his food cause he can't eat from feeling sick, and seeing him not eat I get all anxious and can't let myself eat....we're both nutcases! That's ok though. I'm wondering if I should tell him about my past problems with food/weight. He knows I have secrets I won't tell him, and he sometimes brings up the conversation we had where I said that I'm self destructive (didn't say how). He doesn't bug me about it, he just hopes I'm ok and doesn't want me to hurt myself. He's told me a lot of his sordid past, about his schizophrenic mother/fucked up childhood, I think this is one of the main things that affects him to this day, it bothers him immencely. So I feel like I could share with him something that's affected me so much too. But part of me thinks I shouldn't, cause what if I relapse? What if I relapse and don't want to get better, but I can't lie to him like I do everyone else because he would know the truth? But I can't think this way, I can't just assume I will relapse. But looking at that in a positive way, I think telling him could help me stay better, knowing that he knows and that I wouldn't want to hurt him. I'm just nervous that if I relapse he'll break up with me. Or maybe he'll like me less if I tell him.... But oh the things he says to me! He said my eyes look like the sea after a storm, and went into detail describing *dreamy sigh* He also says the world is a better place cause I'm in it, and god he just makes me melt! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: