Date: Jan. 08, 2003 Time: 12:58 PM My current mood is: Some more whining Yes I'm listening to N'Sync right now. I should be very very ashamed...but I like this song! If you were my girlfrieeeeend, I'll treat you goooood.... haha ok I'll stop now. Thanks for the comments on my last entry, they each made me ponder the reasons of my anger. I'd also like to thank Valeria for leaving that porn site in my guestbook, personally I would have prefered one with gay guys but that's ok. This afternoon I feel like cutting. So I figure, time to make an entry to hopefully release my inner angst. Sometimes I feel immature... like when people say things about "angsty depressed teenagers" and all that, and inside I'm thinking...damn, I still AM angsty and depressed. The only difference between my teenage years depression? Hmmmm...well I don't sit catatonic unable to have anyone touch me anymore, so that's a plus right? Anyway back to what I was saying, I feel like cutting myself. I really want to, the only thing blocking me is Jon. He's coming here in a week, so that would be incredibly stupid to cut myself knowing he's going to see it. The reason I feel like self injuring is because I'm eating too much :( I keep eating all this crap, and now I feel physically ill. I guess I could say it's because last week I accidently started restricting again, so it's the bodies natural mechanism to try to right itself. But still, I hate it. It makes me pissed that I can't cut myself... Jon and I actually had a conversation last night somewhat similar to that. He doesn't know I used to cut or any of my self destructive behaviors, but I started crypticly saying how it's easier to not have anyone care, because then you're free to do what you want, to be self destructive...once someone cares, you no longer can, cause if you're hurting yourself then you are also hurting them. He didn't know what I mean specifically, but he agreed. Anyway, I forget if I wrote it or not but we talked about him moving here, and how it made me feel really guilty....he said he completely agreed, and assured me that even if I didn't exist he would still want to move here anyway. So that's cool. Blah, I'm bored. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: