Date: Jan. 07, 2003 Time: 1:02 AM My current mood is: She wore bluuueeeee velveeeeet..... Why am I online, I should be in bed. Ok the reason is cause I wanted to see if Jon was on, guess not. Tonight Hilary and I went to Kentuky Fried Chicken/A&W, some damn good eatin'. As I looked down at my meal I realized..damn, this is nothing, back in my bulimic days I could pound down 4 of these combo meals(chicken sandwhich & fries) no problem. Even now I was still hungry after eating it, thankfully Hilary is a big eater so we ate a bowl of popcorn after we went back to her place and threw down some beers as we watched Blue Velvet. We tried looking for Pabst beer but couldn't find any("Fuck Heiniken, Pabst Blue RIbbon!"). We ordered 2 cartons of cigarettes from Swedan online! Weee! It was $10.99 a carton, pretty good! I was talking to Jon last night and we talked about him moving here...he wants to move here to be near me. The idea is cool, it would be great having him actually be here, but then....I mean how can I let him move here knowing that he's doing it for me? What's he supposed to do if we break things off? I don't know, I mean we just started seeing each other, though we've known each other for about a year now. He says all these great things about me, his words are like poetry. I just think of when he will finally realize and snap out of it, he will see that he's just been delusional and that he doesn't actually like me, it's just an illusion. And what if I weigh too much?? When he came up here, we were in my room, he started touching my backfat/love handle area, and I just freaked... he doesn't want me fat I know it I know it!! Ok enough of that stupidness, as I was saying, I feel guilty now about him moving here, I'd want it to be because he actually wants to live here. I feel awful right now(well except that I'm talking to Jon), I ate so much crap today I hate it! I'm such a pig, I just keep stuffing my face with junk food. But at this point now, it's like....if I relapse, I'm making a choice. I've been ok(somewhat) for like 2 months now give or take, and it's odd knowing that if I do go back, it's of my own free will. So I can't go back to that, why would I choose that? Bah, I'm just rambling about stupidness. These are just the random thoughts going through my head today. I need a better job. But I just got a raise, 40 cents, oh joy! Yes that was sarcasm. I now make $7.90 an hour. Oh well. I'm too tired to make a coherent entry. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: