Date: Jan. 02, 2003 Time: 8:43 PM My current mood is: He's gone. He's gone. Back to New York and out of my life. Well not really, we can still talk like we did before, but it's just not the same. I couldn't stop thinking about Jon all day long. We got a hotel room together last night :) Yesterday afternoon he, I and Hilary went to the mall. Jon and I kept holding hands and kissing, I'm sure we thuroughly grossed out Hilary hehe. We ate at some Asian place. Jon slowely pushed his soup around occasionally taking a bite, the very fact that he wasn't eating made me nervous and I couldn't eat. When Hilary went to the bathroom we turned to each other and he told me that he can barely sit there with me, he's so scared of me he wants to just run out of the room, that he can barely eat or sleep now. He said if he ate he felt like he would puke cause he's so nervous. I kept telling him not to be scared of me, that I was afraid of him too. Hilary told me to stop playing with my food and eat it, but I just couldn't even though I was hungry. I started getting sad as we were leaving, outside was already dark and I knew that meant Jon was leaving soon. We dropped Hilary off then he and I went back to my house where we made out again. Then we just talked about shit. He keeps making me open up and tell what I'm feeling and thinking, I'm not used to it. I told him how I feel like he's melting me, that I've been so cold inside for awhile now, so angry and bitter. Neither of us is used to caring or being cared about. Then finally he had to go, he called his dad and his dad said not to come home that night though, that the roads were going to be frozen over with ice. So I begged him to stay and we decided to get a hotel room and that he would leave the next day :) It was so fun! The only "bad" thing is that we almost had sex, we decided that if we had sex it would be absolutly fantastic, we were so close to but didn't :P After we slept in each others arms, usually when I do that I don't get a good nights sleep, but with him I slept soundly. I really do feel like I've grown so cold, like winter inside, and suddenly he's a ray of light in me, but now he's gone. Gone, and taken a piece of my heart with him (as cheesy as that sounds). Why can't he live here?? Why does he have to live 4 hours away? We talked about him possibly moving here, he actually almost did move here over the summer. Now the pain is setting in, the pain of knowing I won't see him tonight, that i won't see him for a long while. Please come back. It's been very hard for me to eat lately, I don't even feel like talking about it though, I just want Jon back. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: