Date: Oct. 21, 2002 Time: 2:30 AM My current mood is: McDonalds trickery! Sittin' around, surfing TF, feeling hopeless as hell. Tomorrow is monday, I was going to hand in the paper for my Writing class that was actually due on Friday, yet again I didn't do it though. So now what? My first instinct is to skip class again like I did on Friday, but what does that accomplish? I want to hop on a bus tonight and be halfway across the country by morning, long out of the country by the time people notice I'm gone. Right. Anyway, back to reality. Why didn't I do the paper? Pure laziness? No, sure laziness was involved, but not PURE laziness. I just got so overwhelmed by it, so hopeless and panicky...yes, over a stupid paper. Hopeless. Nothing. I wish there was a way I could put into words what I feel like inside. I don't think I can. I just want to give up, I hate everything, I can't get a grasp on life, it's going to fast, why can't I just sit down and rest?? Ouch, my heart hurts. Physically, not emotionally. All day today it feels like a pinching in my heart. Eh, what can ya do? Damn, ow. Today I kept so much down, it's made me so panicky: an apple, a bowl of cheerios(dry), a medium fries from McDonalds, a bagel with creamcheese, some tunafish(half cup?) and a couple brownies. Ew. The fries were weird... see, by dinner time, I was feeling pretty crappy(as usual) and was having MAD salt cravings(perhaps from purging?), I felt like I seriously needed salt or I would get really sick. So I went to McDonalds, telling myself I was allowed to keep down a small fries. When I bought them, the lady was weird. They had small fries sitting there ready to be bagged, she looked at them and paused, then grabbed a medium size container instead and stuffed fries in that instead! She handed them to me with a knowing smile..it was just this weird look. Like she thought she was doing me a favor. I can't really even describe what I mean. Evil McDonalds trickery! It was nice of her though I guess, I ended up eating them all, savoring their saltiness. I actually felt much better after eating them, I think my electrolytes may have been wacky from barfing :P Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: