Date: Oct. 10, 2002 Time: 1:07 PM My current mood is: Like, stuff.... I'm about to start doing my journal for class, it's only on 4 chapters so that means about 4 pages of writing, I can do this. In response to comments that I haven't answered: The picture of the girl on the hand is actually from a magazine article on eating disorders, I forget which one...Teen magazine? Something like that. I made it smaller, more purple, and sharpened certain parts. And on getting treatment to get out of school, I can't do that. I could NEVER say that to my dad, never in a million years. I'll have to just take next semester off. But anyways, thanks for the comments guys :) So I was thinking, there is a very good probability that my friend Hilary will end up finding this. We read online diaries together, and recently she's started reading Diaryland diaries. I think she knows that I use the name fishnets666 for various things... so the question is, should I switch to a different name, one less conspicuous? Or should I just say fuck it and let be what will be? Cause really, who cares if she finds this? Yes she will find out things she doesn't know about me, but so what? Really, what's the big deal? Yesterday she gave back the book Prozac Nation that I let her borrow, we were talking about it and she said how she could relate from when she was younger and was depressed. I couldn't even say that I have depression too. Why? Why do I keep it such a secret? For some reason I feel like saying to people in real life that I have depression is like...I don't know, would be embarrising and showing weakness. I keep my guard up at all times. I mean especially with Hilary, who's told me about her past depression, why can't I tell her about mine? And with the eating and all that... why do I care if it's a secret or not? I don't know. I just always have to have the facade of "Everything's fine" up, no matter what. And the thing is, I know she is someone who would not dislike me if she found out or anything. So I don't know, I'm not sure if I should change my name or just leave it. That guy that's mad at me for the cartoon axe wrote me back 2 emails. He apologized, but grrrr... it just pisses me off. He's being so melodramatic, or maybe that's not the word, he's trying to be all pseudo-intellectual, trying to sound all "I'm a poet lost in this world". Oh fuck you. I hate when people try to do that, try to come across all cryptic/poetic/deep when really they're just being stupid. Oh my god, my email won't open what the FUCK?? I'm in a computer-aggressive mood today, earlier I was punching the keyboard. Ok now it's working, here's his apology: "I'm gonna apologize again and I'm gonna say you're right one more time, although it may not be the last. I want to be a nice guy, a gentleman, but maybe that is reaching for me. Let me be cheeky; I thought I would say all this again, cause what if you're driving and you're all pissed and you don't see that car and you get in an accident and get hurt. I couldn't forgive myself. These circumstances are farfetched, but in the evenings I'm usually pretty tired, so I don't go out and I have time to think out these farfetched schemes. I hope all is well and I hope the next time you see me on line, you will be kind. I promise I will. And I'll always say what I mean...unless I'm being mischievous, but you know how we evil people are." Lame. But I'll probably just have to grit my teeth and say I accept it, because why bother going off on him? Why the fuck would I get into a car accident because of a cartoon axe??? He's trying to be all "I'm so caring and pithy". Whatever dude, it doesn't erase the fact that you were actually mad at me for a cartoon. Anyway, last night hung out with Hilary and Christopher, we watched Law and Order reruns and they ate cookies. I can't believe my dad did that, he bought store brand Oreos *shakes head*, now that's just shameful. That's lower then what's it called...Hydrox or whatever that generic Oreo brand is. There are certain foods you can NOT go store brand, Oreos and cereal being the main 2. Oh, and I realized something weird, I remembered when I was little I used to always cut open my stuffed animals and take out half the stuffing, then sew them back up. Because I didn't want them to be fat...I did stuffed animal liposuction! Hehe. Alright, I SERIOUSLY need to do homework, I think getting dressed will help, being in pajamas makes me want to lie in bed. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: