Date: Sept. 19, 2002 Time: 12:46 PM My current mood is: Blah what's the point. I haven't felt like updating lately, I just don't really have anything to say. I've been really depressed, I guess my anti-depressants have stopped working which SUCKS, bad timing considering I just started the semester. I upped the dosage, before I was just taking half a pill at night, now I'm taking half in the morning too. Christopher came over last night, I just acted happy and stuff, I hate when people know I'm depressed and try to cheer me up, it's easier to just pretend I'm happy. Yesterday I even seriously considered self injuring while I was in class. I saw the safety pin that was holding the strap to my camera(taking photography), and I really wanted to take it off, stick my arms under the table and just scratch away. I didn't cause I figured someone would see cause there were people around me. I really need to buckle down with school, stop skipping classes and start doing the reading/homework. It's just hard when all I feel is "who cares, why bother", and end up just lying in bed wishing I would die. Not very productive. I'm thinking if my meds just keep not working, perhaps I should go back on the Zoloft? The Zoloft works for a little while then craps out, so I was thinking maybe I could start taking it right before the begining of each semester, and then immediatly stop after the semester ends, that way my body won't get immune to it, like it tends to do. Cause when I took Zoloft, I got all A's in school! Seriously, it was like suddenly I could concentrate and do my work. I'll have to talk to my psych. about it. Oh, weird thing: my dad is on Prozac! That's fucked up. He's totally not the type to be on an antidepressant, so that's really weird. Apparently he went on it cause of his breakup with Donna. I'm sorry, but that's retarded, I hope he's aware that it will take a month to work? You shouldn't just go on an antidepressant cause you break up with someone! Not unless significant time goes by, and you are still really depressed.... I mean you should take it unless you actually have depression, and I really don't think he would even know considering they JUST broke up the other day. Weird. Anyway so far school's ok I guess. I don't really talk to anyone, just sit by myself in class, glare at everyone and look unhappy. Bah. Besides that...umm...I cleaned my room kind of, ended up throwing out 2 trash bags full of trash!! Seriously, I haven't cleaned my room in months. It's still a mess, but a lot better, my dad remarked "Now I can actually see parts of the floor!". Hehe. Ok, time to try to get myself to get stuff done today, try to resist the urge to just lay around moping. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: