Date: Aug. 29, 2002 Time: 8:20 PM My current mood is: Sister went off to college, Christopher, and a rant Today we took my sister to her school. We took 2 cars to fit all her stuff! I feel bad though, she doesn't want to be there at all. She's scared she won't make any friends and that her roommates will ignore her. Infact she even told her dad to pick her back up tomorrow, I feel so bad. I tried to explain that she will end up liking it and it will be fun, but she says no. Ah well, hopefully she'll realize it and have fun. I hope she's ok. I'm going to the movies with Christopher tonight :) I'm kinda nervous about how things are between us, he told me in the past that he doesn't want relationships now he just wants too hook up with girls and that's it. But we talk all the time and are affectionate, he doesn't act like that's still true. The thing is, I'm afraid of doing more physically with him, and then having him hurt me. I mean ya I can do stuff with a guy and have no emotion involved, but nowdays I don't want that. If I'm going to make out with him, I don't want him the next day telling me about some girl he wants to fuck. So I don't know, I'm not sure how much of a distance I need to keep from him. The past couple days I've actually stuck to that purging once a day thing, the odd thing is that it's mostly because I'm starting to get really afraid of eating and hating all this fat on me. Even the once a day binge/purge makes me feel soooo guilty, and feel like I'm going to get even fatter from it! I'm so gross. I'm starting to obsess a LOT again. Note to self: You don't matter unless you're really thin. Otherwise at this weight, you are a nothing and don't count. Rant: "yo pyscho stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something with your life" Ok, I know it's dumb to even give this person a spot in my diary, but really it's for people in the past who have made comments like this as well. First off, it's my diary I can feel however the fuck I want, k? Two, how am I feeling sorry for myself? The past entry which was what he commented on, seriously I have no idea how I was feeling sorry for myself, I was just talking about random shit. I really don't think I was. But even if I was, who are you to tell me not to? Who are you to tell me to not feel? Personally I think I'm the opposite, I cut myself no slack and give no sympathy whatsoever. Sure sometimes I may in my diary at times, but in normal life I don't. So for you to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself...I think I could use any self pity I can get, since I normally don't in almost dangerous amounts(ie. completely not caring when having serious health problems). So fuck off. If I cared any less about myself I'd be 6 feet in the ground, k? And the do something with my life... ok I'm in college working towards my masters, I work, have friends...what do you consider doing something with your life? I think you're the one that needs a life, considering you took the time to write that to me. I know people are probable thinking why bother even write this, but it fucking pisses me off when people who say this shit, and they don't even know me, and this goes to anyone else that has ever said this shit to me too. Ok my longwinded speech is over. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: