Date: Aug. 25, 2002 Time: 1:45 PM My current mood is: Just a general update Hmmm haven't made an entry in a couple days. A mixture of not having time and my life not really being all that interesting. Been drinking the past few days, last night I went to Julie's husband's sisters birthday party. Me, Julie and Katie just went so we could booze it up, we could care less about Dave's sister(she's a bitch). God, there was SO much drama there, it was awful and really annoying, I felt like we were on an episode of The Real World. This girl Dianne was VERY trashed, and was hitting on every guy there asking them all to have sex with her, even though she is married. Then when they'd say no she'd start complaining and yelling and flipping out! Ok I understand being drunk, but seriously I would never make such a fool out of myself. No one there could stand it, she was just being like...I mean first of all it was someone's birthday party, that's wicked rude to be ruining it for them. They ended up taking out a fuse in her car so she couldn't leave, cause she kept wanting to drive home. At one point people started talking about Ted's ex-girlfriend, cause everyone hates her. Except me. I don't say anything about it, but I guess in a way I have a soft spot for her cause she's "one of my kind". Meaning, it's VERY obvious she has an eating disorder, the girl is like, emanciated praticly. I mean there's no way she even weighs as high as 90lbs. Anyway, so people started saying how gross and underweight she looks, this girl Sharon saying she would feel bad beating her up cause she's so small. I piped up "Hey I'm short too, I could beat her up", knowing full well they weren't talking about height. I don't know why I said that, I guess cause I wanted to hear the response. Sharon said "You're short, you're the size of a peanut, but this girl is like, anorexicly thin". Ouch. Fat fat fat! Why did I have to "get better" for a few weeks and gain all this weight?? Now I'm just a big fat blob. So after she said that, after managing to keep 2 meals down that day(hey that's a big deal in my book!), I went in the kitchen, a few chips and dip then threw them up. Then ate some pieces of pasta and threw that up. I wasn't hungry or anything, just wanted to purge. It was odd though, usually if I eat and throw up it's large amounts, this was very small and only took like a minute to purge! I need to remember that in the future, small amounts=shorter purge time. This guy we call Cousin Billy Joe Bob was there, he's praticly inlove with me but he's just gross. I didn't even know he was there till I saw him crawling out of the doghouse in the yard! Then later on he went to sit in a chair and flipped over it and landed on the ground, and pretty much stayed lying there for the rest of the night! Grossest thing ever: the other night, I came home from the goth club, went upstairs and heard my sister having sex LOUDLY! GROSS! I was going to eat something too, but after that I completely lost my appitite. That's not something I ever wanted to hear. I still haven't heard from Jim, I guess this means I have to call him *cringe*. I hope he realizes that we are JUST friends, nothing more, and that last Saturday was a mistake. As far as dieting, I must start losing weight. I'm praticly normal weight now, and it's awful and embarrising. Completely unacceptable. So hmmm...I guess my goals will be to exercise for an hour a day, and eat as little as possible (binge/purges don't count). I really want to get back on my diet pills but I want to see how low my blood pressure will get, yes I'm an idiot, but I want to know! Last time I had it checked it was down to 91/68, each time I get it taken now it goes lower and lower, now that I'm off the diet pills(they make my blood pressure normal). I need to be strict about this(losing weight), no being lazy about it! I can relax about it when I weigh less, but for now I need to get my ass in gear! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: