Date: Aug. 21, 2002
Time: 4:25 AM
My current mood is:
Second entry of the night
I'm like crazy hyperactive right now, at 4am! I've just been lying in bed staring cause I just can't sleep at all, I feel like jumping around or something. Christopher called me earlier, he said I sound happier lately, and that he thinks my pills are working. That's weird, cause everyone keeps saying that lately, that I seem happier. That's odd considering I've only been taking the Serzone for like not even 2 weeks, but then again who knows? Maybe it's cause I went back to throwing up? I hope it's the pills, that would be so great :) Of course once again Christopher also complained about his stomach, saying he's eating only salad and bread for lunch now cause he needs to lose weight. I hate when he says stuff like that!! It makes me so worried for him. I absolutly freak out whenever people start doing that shit, or even at the mention of the word diet. I didn't tell him about how I made out with Jim, I started feeling really guilty, which is odd considering Christopher and I aren't even going out. I'm going to the goth/industrial club with him tomorrow night, I'll probably invite Hilary and Katie too. Julie told me the other day what color my dad's painting our house. Isn't that sad, that my FRIEND has to tell me, that I didn't even know??? My own house! I feel like a ghost here, I don't even exist. Julie knows cause she works at Home Depot and my dad was buying paint there. Imagine that, I don't even know what color my own house is going to be. Thanks dad, I feel loved. I feel like such an afterthought. It's not like he just didn't get around to telling me, I mean his friend Jerry has already ripped down the wallpaper and is now in the process of starting to repaint the door frames. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I came home and found a different family living there, that him and my sister had moved and never even told me. I wouldn't put it past him. Just gotta keep telling myself, 2 more weeks and then the owner of those apartments will be back from Irland, and I can call and see if I can rent something. You don't realize how stressful it is, waking up each day different things are being done to the house, nobody even bothering to tell you because you don't matter, even though it's being paid for with your money for college. I feel like I live in a hotel or something. I'm just some random girl living downstairs.
My dad:"I brought home some chinese food leftovers, want some?"
Me:"Ok", so I open the package of lo mein.
My dad:"You're going to eat ALL THAT???"
Me:"Fine I won't have any!" Fucking bastard.
Oh, and apparently my Aunt and Grandfather went out to eat with my sister, and told her specifically not to invite me. Apparently they're mad at me for not talking to them in so long. My Aunt swears she has no idea why I'm not calling. They are FUCKING INSANE! They always do that, if you're mad at them for something, well they're going to pretend that never happend and be mad at you for something instead. Neither of them can just let you be mad at them. They have to pretend what they did never happened, and that I'M the one acting all mental. Whatever, fuck them.
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