Date: Aug. 07, 2002 Time: 3:27 PM My current mood is: My joke of a docters appointment Just got back from a little family group therapy thing we had with the Rabbi at the temple(no, I'm still not religious don't worry). But first, I'd like to talk about my docters appointment I had earlier today. Any ounce of respect I did have for my docter is now gone. Mind you, I didn't have much anyway, considering the first time I started going to him, after I told him I throw up 3-5 times a day, he told me I should exercise more. That's great to tell someone with an eating disorder. But anyway, before I go on about what happened at the appointment, let me first explain something. Since I've been eating lots and not puking over the past week, my stomach has swelled immencly. No, I'm not being delusional. I measured my stomach last night, my waist is 30 inches! That means a 6 inch increase in the past week. Obviously, it's not real weight gain or fat, I know this, it's simply that my digestive system is not used to digesting food, so it's all piling up in my tummy sitting there. This is a fact. I looked in the mirror last night and was shocked, I look very disproportionate. Of course this is most likely harmless, and is very common in people who have eating disorders. I have not weighed myself because I know my weight on the scale is obviously going to be affected by this, and will only upset me. I just had to explain this first, so here's what happened the appointment: First the nurse walked me over to a room to weigh me. I tried to explain "well my stomach isn't digesting food really right now, so the weight isn't going to be accurate". So she looked in my file and said "Ah, ok. Step on the scale backwards."....umm...did you just fucking hear me?? She thought I was too embarrised to say I was bulimic and didn't want to see the numbers or something. That pissed me off. She took my blood pressure, I noticed it had dropped a lot since going off the diet pills, it's now 98/60. Then to the room. The first person who came in was a medical student. I tried to explain to her about my stomach, for some reason I was urgently needing to let someone know that I really didn't weigh that much. So I told her about that I'm digesting food really slow and my stomach is getting huge, and is there anything I can take to help things. She didn't really know what to say. She did some other docterly things(did them wrong I might add, but I didn't want to say anything), them *cringe* gave me a little anal probe, ick. No blood showed up, that's good. I inquired what my weight was and she said 114lbs, I tried to tell her that it shows I am right, because how could I gain from 97lbs to 114lbs in a week? Then my docter came in. I told him about my stomach. I was starting to get irritated at this point at the "wow you have a distorted body image" looks I was getting about that, and was hoping he would take me seriously. Obviously, he didn't. He started going on about how I may "think" my stomach as fat but that it's just in my head blah blah blah. I was so pissed off. Why the fuck would I say that to him if I was just complaining that I was fat? I'm not an idiot!! I tried to explain again, he just gave went into this whole lecture about eating disorders and their causes, halfway through I began to wonder "Why is he saying this to me? This is really odd" then it occured to me...the medical student. He's using me as an example to teach her. That fucking bastard, DO THAT ON YOUR OWN TIME ASSHOLE! I was so pissed off when I realized this, and no I'm not paranoid, it was obvious by the way he was talking, explaining *to me* how eating disorders are caused, how it's from "a deep pain within, from past hurts", etc., and I could tell by the way he was talking he was trying to make sure she was paying attention. I bet he was thinking I was a prime example of someone with an eating disorder, complaining I was fat. You know what, you can go fuck yourself dickhead! Here I am, with a legittamite question, and I get praticly laughed at, everyone thinking it's just all in my head. It's NOT! I am serious, and none of them would even listen to me. (Note: past few sentences heavily coated with a maple syrup flavored sarcasm) The part where I just wanted to laugh my ass off though was when he proceeded to tell me how to get better. Oh you'll love this, this is rich. Get this: Apparently this whole time I had no idea, but the cure for an ED is FINDING GOD. Yes, my docter is telling me that the best way to treat bulimia is through God. I just need some spiritual healing, and I will be healthy and normal. Wow, who would've knew?? He's figured out the cure! All I need to do is start believing in God! Now, I'm wondering though, is this just the Christian God that will help? What about other religions, like Jewish, Muslim, Buddism, etc.? Would Roman or Greek Gods help too? I mean hey, I figure, there's more of them, so maybe it would help more to pray to them instead? I think perhaps I shall start praying to the Greek Gods of old to help heal my bulimia. I'm really looking forward to this, I think I shall go pray to Zeus after I'm done with this entry, or perhaps Demeter instead since she was the goddess of harvest. I find it ironic, that after that appointment I then went the the appointment with the Rabbi, and he did not once mention God. That meeting was, I don't know, whatever. Me, my sister and the Rabbi are going to have a meeting sometime, which will be much better. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: