Date: Aug. 08, 2002 Time: 1:41 AM My current mood is: Surreal house My house is eery right now. I walk down the hallway, all the wallpaper mysteriously ripped off. I go to flick the light off, and notice the light plate has been taken off the wall, as they all have, a strange desolate looking light switch sits in the middle of the hole that is left. I think this as I reach for the door, only to realize in my hand resides a shiny new door knob, infact now that I look around I am suddenly aware that all the door knobs are new. Prior to this hallway, I was startled to behold the door. Our front door has been taken down and this new obscene, intimidating, large door in it's place. Not just the door though, the sides too.... the scene is unsettling, and uninviting. Again, I was unaware that the change was to be made, only realizing it when I awoke to the sounds of power drills and hammers. The door was put in today, and is now already boken. Back to the wallpaper though, or lack there of. Twenty three years ago almost to the month, my mother bought those rolls of of paper, and being pregnent with me, made up her mind to re-wallpaper most of the house with it. I'm sure it was much easier to take down then it was to put up. A saddness gathers within when I picture my mom, pregnent and showing, single handedly wallpapering the house, because that's what kind of person she was. My dad, in one day paying someone to rip it all down for him, because that's what kind of person he is. I am stunned at the downstairs, no longer the way it was the day before. The wallpaper as it was before today, a nifty 70's green wallpaper with shiny butterflies on it, I loved it and so did my friends. Proclaiming many times that I wanted it to stay up, dispite the my father's protest that it was ugly, I was a bit put off when I walked out of my room to see it suddenly taken down. It is all painted white now. White, the color of mental institutions, padded rooms, hospital rooms, compliance, vanilla, numb, plain. The green paper with the butterfly swirls had been dark, rich, lively, shiny in certain parts, interesting, groovy, personality, funky, wild, not normal. The rug that lay on the floor beneath where the funky wallpaper had been, itself has vanished. The also 70's, swirling colors, trippy looking, old rug, I always said I wanted to keep it if my dad didn't want it. But it's whereabouts are currently unknown. The front stairs, leading into the cold and uninviting doorway are also new. Slyly crafted with bricks, slate resting ontop, firm. These steps are big and in a way intimidating, just like the door. The water in the house, shut off, turned on, what's going on? Other things in the house I see are moved, to get ready for the unknown work that will be taking place I can only assume. The rape and pilage of what was my home. Plaster being put on the "unsightly" pipes that were showing, now covered up like a whore becoming a Born Again Virgin. New light fixtures are on their way, but who knows when they shall be introduced? Certainly not I. The questions are asked "Do you want those dark wood panels in your room taken down so you can have painted walls, it will be lighter in your room!". I cringe at the thought of my beautiful dark, shadowy room becoming a bleached white nightmare. All these changes, spaning only a few days. Each day I wake up and something is missing. Each day something inside me is gone. "Your next project needs to be the carpeting. It really does look pretty bad with the black grease stains in places and the dull color." says Donna. Ripping what solid ground I have left to stand on. None of this is being spoken about to me, actions just taking place. It's ironic you see, that my father is mutilating the house to his whim, yet the money that is being used to buy all this is not his own, but is actually me and my sisters money. Ironic that I have no say at all in this, the transactions and constructions going on at the command of my father, yet I am paying for it. It's so very easy, isn't it, to spend that which is not yours. I am lost in my own house. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: