Date: Aug. 02, 2002
Time: 4:18 AM
My current mood is:
The after-purge emptiness
I can't really describe how I feel right now, but it's not happy, I can tell ya that much. A couple hours ago I binged twice in a row(3 times all together last night). Now I'm left with an impending sense of emptiness. Not just physical, but internal. I feel like someone just took a vacum cleaner and sucked everything out of me emotionally. I don't even know if emotionally is the word though. I just feel empty, I feel like I am the shed skin of a snake. Which reminds me I need to feed my snake tomorrow. A little while ago I thought about the fact that I have work tomorrow and I felt fear and revulsion, I don't know why. Just knowing there is something I need to do at a specific time, something that requires structure and requires I do things...I don't know why but it makes me want to cry, I want to just hide in bed all day, everything feels like too much to handle. I just need to rest, need to just calm down and rest. My dark eye circles are back again. And my right hand has been tingling all day, like pins and needles, wow my life is so interesting. I'm really tired right now but I know that if I got to sleep I will only sleep for an hour or 3 at the most. I can only sleep in small increments now(from physical hunger). Yes, deny your body food and your body will deny you sleep to get back at you.
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