Date: Aug. 01, 2002 Time: 1:54 AM My current mood is: They're all laughing at me I feel so paranoid, it seems like everyone is out to get me. Everyone hates me and they're all laughing at me, everyone is against me. I felt absolutly horrible today, actually not really in the begining of the day but got worse towards the evening. A little while ago I went into the kitchen to eat and then afterwards throw up, as I was just starting to eat things my dad came in and was like "What's going on in here?" with this sort of "Ha! You are caught you pig!" type of smile on his face. Ashamed, I just grabbed my water and left the kitchen. Why does he have to do that? Why is it a crime for me to be eating? I went down stairs and casually looked in the freezer. I picked up a bag of frozen veggies that seemed to be covering something, and sure enough, a bunch of frozen dinners were hidden underneath it. Hidden from me. Yes, my sister hides food from me. Please kill me. I wouldn't of even eaten those anyway. It's not like I *always* eat them all, I mean there are some in the upstairs freezer right now that have been sitting there for a week... see, the thing with my sister is that she will tell me to buy something, then will not eat it. Then when I eat it, she yells at me and says I'm a pig. But if I just leave it, it sits there untouched. Then the other day my dad bought pastries *for me*. It made me so angry. Cause I was convinced he bought them on purpose, just to push it in my face that I eat and throw up. He did it on purpose as if to say "Eat up you fat pig"!!! Looking back at this, perhaps I am being irrational. I've been wondering that a lot recently, if I'm being rational. I keep getting horribly upset and angry over everything, reading into things thinking everyone is against me, just laughing at me. My dad told me once again the other day that I am paranoid. Back to the pastries...I told myself I wouldn't touch his tainted food, the food bought only for his amusement at seeing me eat. But being the food whore that I am, I ended up eating it. I feel horribly ashamed that I gave in, probably providing him and my sister with lots of laughs and amusement at my expense. Yesterday I went into work on my day off to buy fish, the new shipment had just come in. When I went into the reptile room I noticed a note on the counter, a bitchy note saying to STOP putting water into the soil, it's making them too moist, blah blah blah. I was so pissed! Stupid fucking kid Mike that I work with....if he has something to say, say it to my face asshole! A few days ago, one of the Catherine(a manager) and Evil Eric told me that I put too much water in the reptile cages. Mind you, I make the dirt moist in the tropical environment reptiles, most need a humidity at around 80%. So they tell me I'm not doing it right, blah blah blah, even though this is the way it's been done this WHOLE TIME and I've been working there for years.... Ok anyway, so I was like fine fuck you, I won't do it anymore. So then Mike writes that note...GOD FUCKING DAMNIT I already talked to them about it, I stopped already!!! It pisses me off that people keep harassing me about it when I stopped doing it already, so there is no reason to. So far since I stopped, the soil is all dry, all the frogs are hidden in corners or wherever they can find a tiny bit of moisture to huddle in(poor guys) and one of the tarantula's died. Hey, that's what they wanted right? And I'm just getting pissed about being ordered around so much at work. The managers always used to leave me alone and let me do my business, cause I know what I'm doing. Now that Tina and Catherine are managers, they are CONSTANTLY riding my ass, telling me to do things that I already know to do, and telling me to do things while I'm already in the middle of doing other things!! It's like geez, even if I can't do what they want me to, they just want to be able to tell me to do it. I just hate it, and they tell me to do the same things over and over when I'm BUSY! It reminds me of my dad so much, I think this is also a reason I can't stand it. Not only do I get bossed around at home, but now at work too. It's really starting to wear me down, I can't take this shit. I don't mind if someone asks me to do something, but...it's like I'm surrounded by people who are all on power trips, and love bossing people around just to show off that they are in control! And it's not just me, other people complain about it too. I just want to be left alone. I do not work well with authority that abuses their power. And it's so uneven how they treat people, like tonight Tina wanted me to shut down ALL the animals, and all she had Evil Eric doing was shut down fish, which is simple. I was like....umm...what's Eric doing then? "Oh, he's shutting down fish and then he's staying after closing with me". I told her to have him just shut down small animals since I had to do all the rest of the departments....so in return, later on that night Evil Eric's says to me "I'm leaving now, Tina wants you to stay late tonight" doh! He fucking does NOTHING! I can't stand it, they let him get away with doing absolutly nothing, yet give all the work to me to do. Why do they do that? Why do they all hate me? I'm convinced they all hate me at work, I just know they do. I can tell they all wish I didn't work there, I know it! Everyone hates me, they're all laughing at me. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: