Date: Jul. 29, 2002 Time: 12:07 AM My current mood is: Felt like I was on Jerry Springer or Ricci Lake today! I was freaking out all day today. At first it was more internal, then by the end of the day I was yelling at managers at my work. This morning I felt so guilty because of how I was ditching my sister and my dad's friends Linda and Nancy. When I told my dad how I couldn't go out with them he of course started giving me shit for it, making sure I knew it was MY fault, blah blah blah, I knew about it a month in advance, etc. I tried to tell him yes but since a month ago no one had so much as mentioned it so I totally forgot, he just said don't blame other people it's your own fault. So I called Linda and told her, she sounded kinda pissed. I could barely finish the conversation I felt like I was going to start crying. I then hurried to work, feeling like shit and hating myself for being so stupid. At work I didn't feel like talking to anyone, I just felt wicked pissed, depressed, and really wanted to cut myself, I just stared vacantly. Cute Eric immediatly asked what's wrong, somehow he always knows when I'm depressed, I just said nothing and hid in the corner. I wanted to grab the pair of scissors that was there and cut, but I was wearing short sleeves so instead I did what I haven't done in a LONG-ass time. I started scratching my arm up and down, as if I had an itch. But I kept doing it, over and over, harder and harder till I made what looked like a rash and little purple dots started to appear. The rest of the day it felt like I had burned my arm, it still hurts now. We had the dumbest thing at work today, we had hamster ball races...where people bring in their hamsters in those little balls they can walk around in and race them....is that not the lamest thing you've ever heard of?? Since I was already in a pissy mood I started going off about it, saying how lame it was and how I hate kids. I was SO tired it wasn't funny, since I hadn't slept last night I just stayed up. I kept standing there then suddenly my knees would buckle cause I would almost fall asleep standing up!!! Later on I was SO PISSED though, I was on register, and people in the fish department needed help, so I called over the intercom for someone to come down. No one came, so I called again. And again. I called at least 6 times. 10 minutes later a couple managers come strolling up asking what I need, I was so bullshit(and zooming off of diet pills and caffeine). I mean I HATE that feeling, calling managers to the front over and over while people are staring at you angrily, time ticking by and yet still no managers, even though there are 3 in the store!! So anyway, I started going off to the manager Cathrine about it after, saying how I was mad at all of them, yadda yadda. And I told Evil Eric that I was mad at him too, just for working there. Then Cathrine and Evil Eric had the fucking GALL to say that I was putting too much water in the soil for the reptiles...EXCUSE ME?????? I totally went off, who the fuck do they think they're talking to?? They said the guy Mike who works with the reptiles was pissed cause I make the substrate too wet, ok don't even GET me started! They don't even want to know my opinion of Mike, I fucking do his job all the time!! Sorry if tropical reptiles need HUMIDITY! Oh, and a question, WHO exactly is the one who is certified in handling/caring for reptiles? ME!! SO FUCK YOU ya pieces of shit! Evil Eric's like "Oh you make the soil too wet for the scorpiens", so I retorted "WELL, since they need a humidity of 80%, no I'm NOT!". Him and Cathrine just stared dumbly and said "Oh really?"....before you tell someone they are doing something wrong, make sure they are actually doing something wrong!! I'm just so mad about that, them saying I'm caring for the reptiles wrong, I'M the one that takes care of them the most!! If I didn't take care of them and just let Mike do it like he's supposed to, they'd be underfed, humidity too low, basicly neglected. If ANYONE says shit to me about it, I'm fucking going to go off and not keep my mouth shut any longer about how I have to do Mike's job. He never feeds them, the only thing he does is clean their cages. Ok, I could go on and on, I'm just going to stop now. On another note, I didn't eat all day long, halfway through the day I was SO nausious from eating yesterday, I seriously thought I was going to throw up right on the floor at work. Unfortunatly after I came home I ate a bunch of shit, grossness! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: