Date: Jul. 22, 2002 Time: 6:59 AM My current mood is: Finally can set up my new computer. This link wouldn't fit in my webpage of today option, so here it is: Here I finally bought a moniter, keyboard, etc. for my new computer! Yay! Now I can set it all up. But unfortunatly I need my dad to carry the computer parts around for me, my stupid fucking shoulder, I can't lift anything cause of it. And check it out, I bought a fish tank stand(that I will use for a computer stand) for $12! It did really bother me earlier when I couldn't carry stuff, I had to have the guy at the store put the moniter in my cart, and some guy helped me put it in my car, I feel like such a wuse I hate it. I've always prided myself on being strong, now I can't even friggen use my left arm, and the lack of eating makes me weak. I keep writing things and then erasing them, I can't decide what I want this entry to say. Yesterday I threw up 3-4 times, so much for not throwing up anymore. I keep eating and eating it's fucking nasty as all hell, I can't take it!!!! I just don't know what I want to do, where I want to go with this. Eat normal? Makes me feel horrible. Starve myself? Eh, kind of boring. Throw up everything? Hmm, I dunno, my gag reflex doesn't always work right lately I've been too lazy to do it. Exercise? Ha, I never do, I should do some. As usual though, whatever happens happens, I act as if I have control over what I want to do, but really it's all a matter of what my mind wants to do. So I will just keep quiet and let it decide. I know I'm gaining tons of weight, I've been eating and eating TONS lately. Ick. Still depressed, not as much today though, as you can see I managed to go out and get something done. That means that it's not *too* bad. Least I'm not lying in bed with my eyes closed all day wishing I was dead. I still keep fighting the urges to self injure, I won't give in! Fuck you! I'm convinced that I'm so depressed because I'm eating so much food. I wish I could just kill the thing that is inside of me. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: