Date: Jul. 10, 2002 Time: 8:16 AM My current mood is: I only have 8 credits, now what? I had been writing an entry earlier but my dumb computer froze and I lost it. It was very uninteresting anyway, so I don't really care. Mostly all about me being bloated, and how much I can't stand all thie water weight. Yay, exciting eh? I measured myself earlier and the widest part of my hips is 32 1/2, I lost weight! Anyway. I don't really know what to do about school this fall. I'm only signed up for..umm.. is it 8 credits? Something like that? Because I was going to do a 6 credit internship. I haven't called the woman I'm supposed to though to set it up because I don't think I can do one now. My GPA isn't 3.0 anymore, which is what you need to do an internship. So now I don't know, this all blows. I really wanted to do that too, because it would be much easier to only take a few classes and then the rest be hands on learning, that's much better then writing papers and shit. I know this wouldn't be a big deal to some people, but I just feel all hopeless now, I don't know what to do. I guess I can just sign up for more classes, but each semester I've been doing worse and worse. This totally sucks. I don't know if I can handle a full semeseter of classes, which is SO retarded to say, because I have no reason to say that. What the fuck do I have to complain about? Why wouldn't I be able to do what other normal people do, its not like...I don't know. I don't know why I act like such a baby. I truely feel though that taking a full course load would be a bad idea, I just don't know how to explain this to my dad. I know Katie and Julie want me to take off a semeseter and go into a hospital, but fat chance of that(no pun intended). I heard hospitals cost $1,000 a day! I have money saved up in the bank but DAMN, not like millions! See this is why people think that people with eating disorders are rich little snobs, because the only people that can afford treatment are rich or have to save up for a long time. I can't afford that shit. How am I supposed to justify to my dad taking only 8 credits? He wishes he had a normal daughter and not a fuck up like me, always has. I feel so helpful, I just fixed someone's diary :) I was going to try to only binge/purge once today, but didn't quite work out like that. I actually went to the grocery store and bought a cake, cookies, candy and chips. Unfortunatly I selected angel food cake, had 2 slices and didn't like it. Next time I'll just stick with chocolate, yum! I didn't eat most of what I got, it's all siting in my closet, I'll probably throw it out. Why oh why can't I sleep for once??? SLEEP WHERE ART THOU? I'm so tired all the time, I just need 9 hours, uninterrupted. Blah. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: