Date: Jun. 30, 2002 Time: 4:35 AM My current mood is: My sister fainted Yo wadddup? I'm so sleepy cause I just binged and purged, also it's 4am so that could do it. For 2 days I decided to I didn't care about being thing and not eating, so I ate TONS....basicly ending up in me deciding to hell with eating, I want to starve and purge! Seriously, I missed it terribly. I almost feel like now I made myself even worse, today I had a bowl of dry cereal, a small plum, one Twix stick, then "accidently" ate 2 mini cupcakes(you know the one inch kind?), and immediatly went to go purge them. I was horrified to find that I couldn't purge them, for some reason it's easier to purge a whole bellyfull of food rather then a small amount. So for the rest of the night at work I was in a horrible mood and wanted to cry. Just because of those 2 mini cupcakes. I even was thinking of cancelling my plans with Katie. But I couldn't do that....see she's apartment-sitting for Julie and Dave, they went away somewhere for a week. So we made plans to get drunk on Old Grandad Whiskey, just because we always laugh at the name. So I decided to go, since I bailed out on her the other day. We got trashed and laughed at Dave's collection of bad 80's hair metal cds, then laughed at their movie selection, such horribly cheesy movies! Katie said I could sleep over, but I decided not to because I wanted to come home so I could binge/purge. Maybe I'll do it again in a bit. I wish I didn't drink so many calories alcohol-wise. Today my sister fainted. I don't know how I feel about that. I think that fact that I don't know how I feel about that is fucked. I almost feel responsible, though it's not like it was my fault. This is what happened: My sister came home trashed and slept in my room last night. The reason she slept in my room was because my dad's bitch Donna slept over....now you may be thinking, what does that have to do with anything? Well, my dad's incredibly judgmental, and therefore thinks so is everyone else. He let Donna sleep in his room, and he slept in my sisters room. How fuckin LAME is that??? They're going away on vacation together on Monday...does he think that we think they're going to be staying in seperate rooms??? Does he think we care??? He's so obsessed with how other people see him, he can't even live his own life. So anyway, my sister slept in my room which is downstairs, so it doesn't get any air conditioning. I'm totally fine with it being hot, I'd love it if it was in the 80's-90's everyday of the year. So she was really hot though, then this morning she went upstairs and fainted. It just kinda weirds me out....I know it was because she was dehydrated but....I feel weird saying this...WHY NOT ME??? I purposly dehydrate myself constantly, yet I've never fainted. Infact I've NEVER fainted, no matter how many times I've thrown up in a day, how little I've eaten, how many days I've gone not eating a single morsel of food. She gets drunk then the next morning faints from it. I dont get it? I also don't get why am I feeling like this? Am I jealous? I just..I don't even know. The only time I've come close to passing out is one time I collapsed in the bathroom. But she was full out unconcious. And I know it wasn't from not eating, she brought ribs into my room and ate it before she went to bed. I just don't get it. My dad said "She doesn't sleep enough and she doesn't eat enough!"(but dad, I sleep and eat even less, don't you notice?) Why am I healthy as a horse...I feel disappointed like I"m not abusing myself adequately. I almost feel like crying and I don't know why. As you can see I'm fucking egotisticly into myself, to get back to how she is doing, she's fine. That's all for now. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: