Date: Jun. 22, 2002 Time: 11:31 AM My current mood is: Yay books! And a lap dance from Katie. I just finished watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000, good show. Wow, I'm actually doing some of the things on my list of things I need to change! I went to bed at about 2am and woke up at 9:45am, a semi-decent time span! Yay. It's so nice out today, 84 degrees, I'm going to ride my bike later(for about 5 minutes). Last night after I got out of work I went over Julie's parents house, Julie, Katie, Julie's brother and Mike all went over there. They have the most kick ass screen house thingy ever. Her parents actually put wooden poles in it, a floor, and attached it to the side of the shed, so it's more like a porch really. Katie had lots to drink and ended up dancing sexy on the pole, then she got paid $5 to give me a lap dance! Hey, now that I think about it, she said she'd split it with me, I want my $2.50, lol. Julie's brother Ted kept bitching about the fact that me and Katie call him our adopted brother, he's a total hoe and wants to have sex with us....ummm I've known him since I was 8 years old, no way!! Again I had that feeling of watching the clock, that feeling of uncomfortablness and wanting to leave. I don't know why, cause the thing is I was having fun. I guess I just always get that feeling now, like I just want to go home and be alone, not sure why. It's not like when I was younger and was totally phobic of people, it's not a panicky feeling. Just....when I hang out, all I can do in the back of my mind is wonder what time it is, and when is an "acceptable" time to leave, and what my excuse should be. Even though I'm having a fun time. I just don't get it. Perhaps it's the impending threat of calories that always seems to come along with hanging out? Maybe part of it, but I don't think that's all of it. I just feel safer at home, by myself. Julie was talking about my sister, gushing over how skinny she is. It made me wonder how she thinks of me, cause I'm thinner then my sister. Today my dad randomly came over to me, put his arms around me and kissed me on the head. I immediatly cringed and pulled away, "what?" he said, I replied "nothing." I don't mean to hurt his feelings, it's my automatic response to when he does that, which isn't all that often anyway. Yay some of my books I ordered came! READING=GOOD I already read 2/3 of the book Welcome to my country, it's a therapist's account of past patients she's had, and dealing with her own past issues(coincidently eating disorders, hey I didn't pick it on purpose!). I'm also halfway through Dying to be thin, a book on anorexia and bulimia. I got it purposly because it's not JUST about anorexia. Seriously, why does bulimia always get the shaft? Statisticly speaking it's more common then anorexia, yet there's ten times as many books/movies on anorexia then bulimia. It's fascism I tell ya, FASCISM! Whew, ok, calm down there killa', hehe. I could even start talking about a recent instance of this, but I'm not going to bother cause that would be lame(ED message board crap). I could go on about this subject more, but I don't feel like it right now. So there. I think I'm going to sell some of my books online, I've bought lots of used books that way and I feel like I should reciprocate, I mean I have books I don't want anyway. I saw an ad yesterday for an Eating Disorder group meeting thingy, they meet once a month. Should I go? Perhaps it will inspire me to lose weight. Actually I'm already inspired to lose weight. But maybe if I lose a certain amount of weight then I will go, a challenge! Hey I wonder if Diaryland is still being a bitch to me? After I post this I will see...it refuses to take the bold off the links! Grrrr. Everytime I erase the bold HTML, I click ok and then it's back again, as if I never erased it! Ok enough bitching. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: