Date: Jun. 21, 2002 Time: 3:36 AM My current mood is: So pissed about that apartment thing I just woke up at 2am, binged/purged, and now here I am. Lately purging is being a real bitch, taking me a good half hour when normally it takes me under 10 minutes. My stomach just doesn't want to give it up! Oh well too bad for you stomach, I win out in the end. Ufff, I hate how my stomach hurts sometimes after I throw up, I wonder why it does that? So about that apartment thing. I've been feeling like shit all yesterday long, of course part of it was from lack of sleep, but also I just felt so dejected. I mean when Katie first asked if I wanted to get an apartment with her and Mike, Julie said to me "don't worry, she's serious about it, it won't be like the last time with Malisa". Malisa is a girl I used to be best friends wish, we were going to get an apartment together and then she totally ditched out on me and then claimed she was never serious about it from the begining, even though she said she was. So anyway, apparently Julie was wrong. I just don't see how they can decide they don't have enough money AFTER we already get the apartment!! I mean Katie kept saying how much of a slim chance it was that the lady would pick us for it, so when she did pick us we were soooooo psyched. Then Katie just decides "oh ya, I can't afford that". Well if she was serious about getting an apartment, shouldn't she have thought of this BEFORE??? I just feel so jerked around, because I really had my hopes up so much for this. I can't stand living at home. Why did they even have to ask me to move in!!! I'm so depressed and angry now, and I haven't even confronted Katie about it yet, even though she came over today. I think that's what's bothering me even more, that since she told me all of that, I've been wearing a "ya, I'm fine, everything's cool" attitude, when inside I'm steaming. The whole time they were looking for apartments/getting ready to get that apartment, they ignored what I said totally, did everything without me, and would be like "oh ya, by the way, *we* decided blah blah blah." I mean if I'm going to be living there shouldn't I have a say in things too?? Well I mean it doesn't matter anymore cause we're not living there. And today Katie said she's just going to live at home. Well gee, thanks for getting me all worked up about moving out and then crashing my dreams. Me and Katie have NEVER been in a fight or even gotten mad at each other in our whole lives, even though we've known each other for about 10 years....I must say this is the first time ever that I am mad at her. But I feel like I can't even say it cause all she is talking about(understandably) is her breakup with Brian. I feel bad yelling at her when that just happened, he was a total dick to her about it. I'm still just so upset about this, how they would all back out on me like that, after we got the apartment and everything. Everything ruined. But now what am I supposed to do? I NEED to move out, especially since I thought I was going to, there is no way I can just sit here and live here another bunch of years, I can't stand it! Hopefully Tammy will move in with me. If not, then I'll have to move into my dad's studio in Boston. The thing with that, is that I'll be living alone. I don't know why that thought bothers me, I live with 2 other people now yet it's like living alone... hey, I can just talk to my animals all day, they'll talk back to me! Aaaaah my hand just went numb from typing! The problem is that this state is SO expensive it's rediculous. I was just looking online at apartments. Come on man, no like, $200 a month ones? Hehe, I can dream, right? The cheapest ones are the apartments in the ghettos, that are about $800 for a one bedroom, maybe Tammy and I could share one. *sigh* The trials and tribulations of trying to get an apartment in Boston and the surrounding area. I just feel so suffocated here. I hate the silent tension. Today I told my dad I wanted to take a summer course at my school, a HTML course. He kept saying "are you sure there isn't a pre-requisite for this?" and "will you be able to handle this?"...I seriously wanted to just show him my diary and say LOOK! I know HTML!!!! Geez! I love how he automaticly assumes I have no clue what I'm doing. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: